hey, this isn't break time...clock in!.....it's the brutal times, baby....broadcasting live from little tokyo...in the heart of big tokyo....there'll be no tears at our wedding...our creativity inspires and bothers us...the Internet gives us goosebumps...boasting a 100% conviction rate...with more safety....more everything.....we're an insult to everything we stand for...yay!...we're the jimi hendrix of the Internet and self-congratulation...your no.#1 ally in the struggle against the cold hearts of the limited...bung ho!....splendide mendax!....enter a world...of threesomes and prescription drugs...where coherent thoughts are a dime a dozen...living the American dream.... for only pennies a glass....Miramax pictures and gorgonzola hotdogs present..."she liked to read"....."he...liked to write"...The Blogger...."Are you writing a blog about me?"...."Uh...yeah."....."I think - you know whut? I think it's really cute.".........."You mean...you won't prosecute me?".......your no.1 source of thouroughly uninformative news and distraction...hey, this isn't break time....clock in!....it's the brutal times, baby....our traditional lifestyle is being threatened by white guys with big glasses.....what is the sound of one fist bumping?....stiff pockets of resistance are crammed with priceless curiosities... serving up a lush story of more of the same...plus God....non-judgemental and very discreet...better than nothing?.....living the stereotype....splendide mendax!.....broadcasting live from little tokyo in the heart of big tokyo...intersting but lonely.....we're gonna wow ya!....unless of course time runs out....

Stories For Tops

People With the Same Name are the Same

By Smia Oots, SOUTH BRONX – If you’ve been thinking most people named Neil are hard to get along with you’re not alone says a recently released document from Internet super snooper Edward Snowden, 36.
“People – persons – named Neil are notorious dicks.”

Latest Brutality

Lip Synching Keeps Lips Looking Young and Alive

By Petit Rowley, Special to The Brutal Times, DETROIT – “Lip synching keeps lips looking young and alive,” tweeted town tween Tariq Bozzio, 29 and a half, Tuesday.

Latest Brutality

How the Royals Save Money

By Business Jesus, LONDON – Ever wonder how the Royals save money?

They don’t.

Latest Brutality

Jean Claude Van Damme To Join Van Halen

By DJ Salinger, PARIS – Ah, Paris! Paris in the spring. What can one say about Paris? Only, it isn’t spring, and so far, to be be frank, almost all that’s been written about this golden city on the Seine is unreadable.

Unless you speak French.

Philosophy Sluts

Top Three Ways To Tell if Your Partner Wants an Open Relationship

By Coco Nostradamus, TORONTO –
Hey guys, time to put your winter boots on and help yourself to another sandwich. Everybody got their coffees? OK. If you were born on this date, you might want to take a look at the following before making any big decisions this week involving you or a partner in your life:

Latest Brutality

Obama Romney Presidential Debate: The Director’s Cut

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Jim, can they – can the American people hear us right now?
MR. LEHRER: What is the difference?
MR. ROMNEY: Well —
MR. LEHRER: Let’s just say they can see your arms flapping around but they have no idea what you’re saying.

Latest Brutality

My Feet Hurt

By Roger Talock, Special to The Brutal Times, MILWAUKEE – My feet hurt.
Know why?
From walkin’ ’round all the time!
Yeah, no, and what’s more is you can’t even bring it up no more.
Feet are killin’ you?
That’s too bad, my boy.
No one wants to give my feet story the time of day.

Until today.

Latest Brutality

Radiohead Change Name to Videohead

By DJ Salinger, LONDON – As London gets ready for the Olympics, shoppers were shocked to learn that long-time fellow Londoners and Deepresso artists, Radiohead will change their name to time with the August Opening Ceremony.

“Yeah, we’re changing our name to Videohead,”

Grande Chef Otto

Diet Earth: The Earth is Too Fat

By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Pittsburgh, the corner of the globe. A place where everyone knows your name. A small town. A place where nine out of ten scientists are saying what we’ve all known all along.

The Craptangle

Bigger Craptangle →

Latest Brutality

Nietzsche’s New Sex Tape!

Presidential Daily Brief

For Lefties, the Right Hand is ‘The Stranger’

Ordinary People

Morning Person Pisses Everyone Off

Ordinary People

Guy’s Nose Ring Looks Like a Booger

Featured Brutality

Man Uses Social Networking Tool Facebook to Express Himself, but not Twitter

Presidential Daily Brief

Gingrich Reaches Out to Conservatives

Latest Brutality

One Billion Killer Baby Names!

Presidential Daily Brief

2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate Director’s Cut

Presidential Daily Brief

Lack of Kitchen Counter Space in Libya Political Hot Potato for Rebels

Ordinary People

Doubt is a Ballbreaker & Most are Filled with Crushing Loneliness: Study

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