By Billy, Belmopan, BELIZE – Hey, is it just me or is Mike Pompeo starting to look a lot like Kim Jong Un? “Who?” Mike Pompeo. “Mike who?” The CIA director-soon-to-be-U.S. secretary of state guy. “Huh.” So, does he look […]
By El Toro, with DJ Salinger contributing, IOWA – Yes, for years folks over forty thought Billy Joel was “The Stranger.”
And maybe he was, in a way, in whatever way that might mean.
By Barry Hussein, IOWA – Moving his arm and stretching it away from his body, 2012 U.S. Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich reached out to conservatives this week, touching many in places they hadn’t been touched before. “There’s this place, on […]
The following is a Director’s Cut of the 2012 Republican presidential debate on Sept. 7, 2011, in Simi Valley, Calif., as corrected by The Brutal Times.
By Grande Chef Otto, TRIPOLI – Because there was nothing else on we were stuck watching that revolution thingy in Libya? The one which should have been exciting since their dictator dresses like Michael Jackson and has more attitude than Snoop Doggie, but is actually a snore fest since now all the other channels got wars on `em too?
By Styles Cradgerock,WASHINGTON – Vital edutainment from U.S. President Barack Obama’s speech last night, confirming the death of Osama bin Laden was accidentally left on the White House cutting room floor, The Brutal Times has learned. The following is a Director’s Cut of the entire speech, with the president’s original 2008 campaign personality faithfully reassembled by fans old enough to remember.
By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Boy, how the times have changed. Back in 2003, I was just another fresh face with chronic stomach pain trying to land an unpaid job at The Brutal Times when it was just a weekly free box of tissues handed out at my local car was and yet another young guy by the name of George W. Bush was just revving up to land a whopping kick on Middle East henchman Saddam Hussein’s kaboose.
By Barry Hussein, TEL AVIV – Canadian Embassy staff here are reeling from the discovery that a mysterious white powder found in an envelope sent to the embasssy is not cocaine.
“We wanted to snort it so bad,” ejaculated Bismark Suffolk, 20, an immune diplomat who heard about the powder. “But they said they weren’t sure it was cocaine, so we’d better not,” he went on.