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Warm Topic Archives: Business Jesus
Exclusive: Top Models Stay Thin by Snorting Cocaine
By Smia Oots, Tokyo, GASPANIC SHIBUYA – Tokyo town criers sent tremors through this already much shock-rocked city early this morning when they confirmed what everybody already knew all along.
Top models in Tokyo, Bahrain, and Moscow are staying thin by snorting cocaine.
Posted in Business Jesus
Tagged 000 millisieverts of cocaine per hour, 50, Business Jesus, exclusive: top models stay thin by snorting cocaine, fluffer, gaspanic shibuya, jay-Z.my goodies, julian assange jeans, millisieverts, playboy mansion cooties, professor rant foaming, the brutal times, tokyo, vuvuzelas
2 Comments
Peanut Butter & Jam Sandwich Popularity to Skyrocket in 2013
By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Among the many exciting predictions for 2013, younger sister of famed predictor Nostradamus, Coco Nostradamus, says more people across the globe will eat peanut butter and jam sandwiches this year than maybe at any other year in the history of the worlds’ diverse peoples.
Yale University Job Interview Spoilers
By Business Jesus, SUMMER – Yes, summer’s here and the time is right for humpin’ and thumpin’ on a Friday nite. But what about that job thingy? That one you was supposed to get, you know, to keep up your membership in the Skull & Bones social club, and so on?
Well think no more, young Yalie!
Take Out Food is Healthier Than Home Cooked Food
By Grande Chef Otto, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Bob Lomax lifts weights four times a day. He wakes at 4:31 am, rinses his balls in an imported basin from Bahrain, and meditates in Japanese for nine minutes while his second “wife” Vickers prepares a delicate vitamin powerhouse pureed and mulched (basically the same thing I know) in an eleven hundred dollar pureeing mulching machine from Sicily.
Bob has had seventy four heart attacks.
Fonzi Schemes Surge in ’08
With investors and investettes losing their tops this quarter the shocking revelation of a new slew of Fonzi schemes has shock-rocked this seasonally sleepy city into a frenzy of fist-waving and foul-mouthed frustration.
Posted in Highlighted Brutality
Tagged Business Jesus, christmas, global finacial crisis, ponzi, ponzi scheme, potsie, ray goolens, the brutal times, the fonz, wall street
2 Comments