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Warm Topic Archives: twitter
Ratko Mladic Changing His Name to Rick?
By Styles Cradgerock, THE HAGUE – The Hague’s newest catch, accused war criminal and Serbian general Ratko Mladic shocked followers on Twitter when he tweeted today:
“I’m thinking of changing my name…to Rick or…maybe Slobodan.”
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged bb fun corp, beatles workout gadget, facebook, ghosts, julian assange jeans, matsumoto boy, muscleinin, ratko mladic changing his name to rick?, serbia wra crimes, slobodan, social networking tools, styles cradgerock, the ab four, the beatles, the brutal times, the hague, twitter
3 Comments
TSA: From Now On Only Good-looking Passengers Will Have Their Bags Handled
By El Toro, NEWARK – Newark, it sounds like New York, but it’s not. One of a number of busy U.S. hubs where people are petted down, Newark boasts long line-ups and stinky bathrooms.
Posted in Featured Brutality
Tagged accidental airlines, dangers of airline travel, el toro, facebook, finding a dime bag in an old running shoe, girl's bathroom, mingers, pert swedish airline industry insiders, subs, the biblical figure solomon, the brutal times, the war on terror is over, the weary airline traveller, TSA: from now on only good-looking passengers will have their bags handled, twitter, ugly betty, vuvuzela, will i am
5 Comments
Copycat Quakes Condemned
By Smia Oots, NEW YORK CITY – Prestigious U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon has condemned, and is condemning, any country’s attempt to copy or illegally distribute Japan’s massive March 9.0 magnitude earthquake.
MySpace Backing Gaddafi in Social Network War
By Daemon Mailer, Libya, TRIPOLI – Chief executives from classic rock social networking site MySpace met with Libya’s head honcho, Moammar Ghadafi at Denny’s this morning to hash out plans for a “full frontal” assault on rebel bases held by FaceBook and Twitter, the Brutal Times has learned.
Boring
By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.
Arcade Fire.
Twitter.
Your iPhone.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged afghanistan, arcade fire, atom egoyan, avril, Ban Ki-moon, bars, beer, ben folds, bill clinton, boring, china, cocaine, cock blocker, dr.dre, egypt, eminem, england, facebook, green day, h&m, hillary hot rodham clinton, hole, iphone, iran, james cameron, japanese tv celebs, john mccain, kid rock, madonna, michael moore, mohammed el baradei, obama, oliver stone, radiohead, REM, rihanna, smia oots, snoop dogg, social networking, sting, sum 41, the british royal family, the brutal times, the foo fighters, the japanese royal family, the onion, the pixies, the simpsons, tokyo, tony blair, twitter, U2, vice magazine, wilco minus jay, williamsburg
5 Comments
Satan to become CNN’s New Gadget Specialist
By Daemon Mailer, KEY WEST – In a classic double-cross, Satan will succeed former Black Flag vocalist Henry Rollins as CNN’s go-to gadget guy. After selling his soul to get the plush CNN jobbie, former Rollins fans Twittered Satan “so many times it really ruffled my feathers,” according to the Big Red One himself.
General Urko Irked as Obama Picks Petraeus
By Barry Hussein, WASHINGTON – Fearsome warlord General Urko is said to be “quaking with venomous rage” at U.S. president, the American Barack Obama’s choice to pass him over for the plumb position of new commander of U.S. forces in the Afghan humanitarian intervention
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged afghanistan, barry hussein, cornelius, dr. zaius, dwayne nostradamus, general petraeus, General Urko, mitt romney, Presidential Daily Brief, romulus, sports metaphors, stanley mcchystal, starship troopers, the American barack obama, the beastie boys, the brutal times, the planet of the apes, twitter, white house beer garden
1 Comment
Dad Says Chinese Ship Violated International Law
By Barry Hussein, MACAO – The Internet Machine was abuzz this morning with news that a dad, Roland Hawthe, 22, a barista native to Long Island says that a Chinese ship violated international law.
China has accused the USA of violating international law for sailing sailing away why don’t you take me sailing away i don’t know where I’m goin’ to in Chinese waters.
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged barack obama, barry hussein, chines ship, chinese, chinese ship, cnn, crawford, dad, dads, international law, iphone, macao, mulder, sailing, scully, twitter, violation, white house, x-files
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