Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times

Brahms shot dead in Paris

By DJ Salinger, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Brahms was shot dead in front of this city’s first Taco Bell  on Friday by a fan who said he was upset at the pianist’s new musical direction and clothes. Police declined to […]

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Gorbachev won’t attend own funeral

By Styles Cradgerock, MOSCOW ON THE HUDSON – Mikhail Gorbachev has responded to Vladimir Putin’s statement that he won’t attend the former Russian leader’s funeral. “I’m not going, either,” Gorbachev, affectionately known by fans as Gorby said Friday. “I have […]

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Man irons new wrinkles into shirt

By J. Andrew Hollingsworth, Special to The Brutal Times, RIYADH – I was ironing my shirt for work, the white long-sleeved one, and I was almost finished when I noticed that I had ironed more wrinkles into it. I’d say […]

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I like pushing buttons on my computer

By Michael Dean, Special to The Brutal Times, BOISE- I like pushing buttons on my computer. I’m not a fan of touchscreens because stabbing the glass like I’m doing now on my iPhone hurts my fingers. Let me explain. I’m […]

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Man replies to email without reading it

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Band that broke up getting back together

By DJ Salinger, LIVERPOOL – Why you getting back together? “Oh, a lot of things. Mainly the money,” the band’s lead singer said. Why’d you break up anyways? ”Oh, we hated each other. I mean I wanted to strangle [the […]

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People who look nice are nice

By The Serge, PITTSBURGH – People who look nice are nice, a landmark study by Billy, a tween, has found. ”See that guy over there? That guy with the mustache and the curly hair, with his wife?” The one in […]

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Man appeared in 4 LinkedIn searches this week

By Daemon Mailer, FOGGY BOTTOM – A man appeared in four LinkedIn searches this week according to the San Francisco-based employment company.
“I got an email from them saying I appeared in four searches this week,” the man, Bobb Dockton, 22, said.

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Trump wrote anonymous NYT op-ed

By The Brutal Times, NEW YORK – As White House officials including Vice President Mike Pence raced to deny they authored an anonymous  op-ed published Wednesday in The New York Times, whose writer claims to be part of a “resistance” inside U.S. President Donald Trump’s  inner circle in the administration, The Brutal Times has learned the true identity of the official behind the piece.

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Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?

Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?

By Billy, Belmopan, BELIZE – Hey, is it just me or is Mike Pompeo starting to look a lot like Kim Jong Un? “Who?” Mike Pompeo. “Mike who?” The CIA director-soon-to-be-U.S. secretary of state guy. “Huh.” So, does he look […]

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