Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times

Trump wrote anonymous NYT op-ed

By The Brutal Times, NEW YORK – As White House officials including Vice President Mike Pence raced to deny they authored an anonymous  op-ed published Wednesday in The New York Times, whose writer claims to be part of a “resistance” inside U.S. President Donald Trump’s  inner circle in the administration, The Brutal Times has learned the true identity of the official behind the piece.

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Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?

Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?

By Billy, Belmopan, BELIZE – Hey, is it just me or is Mike Pompeo starting to look a lot like Kim Jong Un? “Who?” Mike Pompeo. “Mike who?” The CIA director-soon-to-be-U.S. secretary of state guy. “Huh.” So, does he look […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Can James Cameron’s Emoticon Save the Silver Screen?

By Yves Dropper, HOLLYWOOD- Hollywood, land of long boulevards, sweeping palm trees and ocean views. Keanu Reeves was born here. Underneath one’s feet, the handprints, and yes, even feetprints of a million actors and…oh, forget it. Word here is that […]

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In Spacewalk Astronauts Repair Finnish Space Station

By Helder Goff, Special to the Brutal Times, SPACE – Space, the final frontier. No one was supposed to go there, but they did. Probably that’s why, increasingly, God has been busting up their space ships.
“Actually, we don’t know if it’s God that’s been doing it, or some other kids or something,” claimed Gus VanderBilt, 11, designer of Finland’s famed Zolftschatz, which is Ikean for “Zolftschatz.”

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Should Scotland Become Important?

By Styles Cradgerock, SCOTLAND – Scotland. Home of haggis, chips, boat trips on the Seine. The land of Mel Gibson and Oliver Twist. Home of the twist. Birthplace of sherlock Holmes. Home of former heavyweight champion Larry Holmes. Where ice cream is free and driving is only permitted for children.

Still, few have ever heard of it.

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People With the Same Name are the Same

By Smia Oots, SOUTH BRONX – If you’ve been thinking most people named Neil are hard to get along with you’re not alone says a recently released document from Internet super snooper Edward Snowden, 36.
“People – persons – named Neil are notorious dicks.”

Posted in Stories For Tops | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

Aging Hypocrites Want a Piece of the Pie

By Daemon Mailer, VERMONT – Angry young people massed themselves into howling packs and began pogoing up and down in riotous response in reaction to the release of a landmark tweet tweeted this morning by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies.

The tweet, which was promptly deleted before it could incite further unrest, apparently asserted old people are jonesing for more than their share of the proverbial planetary pie.

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I Got Probs

By Hessy Marin, Special to The Brutal Times, BOSTON- I got probs. Man, let me tell you! Things were goin’ pretty swell for a while there – new boy, new apartment – even a new car…

Then, I won the lottery.

Posted in Exclusive!, Ordinary People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Is Ben Afleck U.S. Cinema’s Enfant Terrible?

By Smia Oots, Los Angeles, HOLLYWOOD

Posted in Exclusive!, Hollywood Pap | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

How the Royals Save Money

By Business Jesus, LONDON – Ever wonder how the Royals save money?

They don’t.

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments