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Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times
Brahms shot dead in Paris
By DJ Salinger, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Brahms was shot dead in front of this city’s first Taco Bell on Friday by a fan who said he was upset at the pianist’s new musical direction and clothes. Police declined to […]
Posted in Exclusive!, Latest Brutality
Tagged brahms, Brahms shot dead in Paris, dj salinger, the brutal times
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Gorbachev won’t attend own funeral
By Styles Cradgerock, MOSCOW ON THE HUDSON – Mikhail Gorbachev has responded to Vladimir Putin’s statement that he won’t attend the former Russian leader’s funeral. “I’m not going, either,” Gorbachev, affectionately known by fans as Gorby said Friday. “I have […]
Posted in Breaking
Tagged Gorbachev, Olympic Committee Chairman Thomas Bach, Tedros "Ted"Adhanom Ghebreyesus, the brutal times
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Man irons new wrinkles into shirt
By J. Andrew Hollingsworth, Special to The Brutal Times, RIYADH – I was ironing my shirt for work, the white long-sleeved one, and I was almost finished when I noticed that I had ironed more wrinkles into it. I’d say […]
Posted in Breaking, Latest Brutality, Ordinary People
Tagged ironing trouble, man irons new wrinkles into shirt, the brutal times
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I like pushing buttons on my computer
By Michael Dean, Special to The Brutal Times, BOISE- I like pushing buttons on my computer. I’m not a fan of touchscreens because stabbing the glass like I’m doing now on my iPhone hurts my fingers. Let me explain. I’m […]
Posted in Ordinary People
Tagged i like pushing buttons on my computer, Ordinary People, the brutal times
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Man replies to email without reading it
Posted in Schadenfreude
Tagged brexit, haggis, man replies to email without reading it, the brutal times
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Band that broke up getting back together
By DJ Salinger, LIVERPOOL – Why you getting back together? “Oh, a lot of things. Mainly the money,” the band’s lead singer said. Why’d you break up anyways? ”Oh, we hated each other. I mean I wanted to strangle [the […]
People who look nice are nice
By The Serge, PITTSBURGH – People who look nice are nice, a landmark study by Billy, a tween, has found. ”See that guy over there? That guy with the mustache and the curly hair, with his wife?” The one in […]
Posted in Latest Brutality, Uncategorized
Tagged people who look nice are nice, the brutal times, the serge
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Man appeared in 4 LinkedIn searches this week
By Daemon Mailer, FOGGY BOTTOM – A man appeared in four LinkedIn searches this week according to the San Francisco-based employment company.
“I got an email from them saying I appeared in four searches this week,” the man, Bobb Dockton, 22, said.
Trump wrote anonymous NYT op-ed
By The Brutal Times, NEW YORK – As White House officials including Vice President Mike Pence raced to deny they authored an anonymous op-ed published Wednesday in The New York Times, whose writer claims to be part of a “resistance” inside U.S. President Donald Trump’s inner circle in the administration, The Brutal Times has learned the true identity of the official behind the piece.
Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?
By Billy, Belmopan, BELIZE – Hey, is it just me or is Mike Pompeo starting to look a lot like Kim Jong Un? “Who?” Mike Pompeo. “Mike who?” The CIA director-soon-to-be-U.S. secretary of state guy. “Huh.” So, does he look […]