Warm Topic Archives: facebook

Ratko Mladic Changing His Name to Rick?

Martin Meissner, Pool)

By Styles Cradgerock, THE HAGUE – The Hague’s newest catch, accused war criminal and Serbian general Ratko Mladic shocked followers on Twitter when he tweeted today:

“I’m thinking of changing my name…to Rick or…maybe Slobodan.”

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

TSA: From Now On Only Good-looking Passengers Will Have Their Bags Handled

HILTON

By El Toro, NEWARK – Newark, it sounds like New York, but it’s not. One of a number of busy U.S. hubs where people are petted down, Newark boasts long line-ups and stinky bathrooms.

Posted in Featured Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

MySpace Backing Gaddafi in Social Network War

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By Daemon Mailer, Libya, TRIPOLI – Chief executives from classic rock social networking site MySpace met with Libya’s head honcho, Moammar Ghadafi at Denny’s this morning to hash out plans for a “full frontal” assault on rebel bases held by FaceBook and Twitter, the Brutal Times has learned.

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Boring

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By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.

Arcade Fire.

Twitter.

Your iPhone.

Posted in Exclusive! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Girl ‘still has feelings for’ Ex

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By Mary-Lou Jasp, Special to the Brutal Times, NEW YORK CITY – Usually when I break up with somebody I’m already seeing someone else. Like when I broke up with Brad I was already seeing his friend Jesse, but I’d been so busy I didn’t get to tell him ’til later.

But last week when I broke up with Caro, my BF for the last 2 months, I totally forgot that I did’nt have a new BF yet! Lucky for me I could go online and chat with my online friends. And I could listen to Nickleback and Coldplay, my fave bands.

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Mythical Thom Yorke Comedy Album Found

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By DJ Salinger, LONDON – Brits cheered news this morning that the holy grail of Radiohead fans – a lost Thom Yorke stand up comedy triple album, had been found under a box of Kleenex in a Los Angeles record producer’s gated estate.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

My Friend is Sexting Barack Obama, and He Sexts Back!

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By Kaylie, Special to the Brutal Times, BOSTON – My friend Jessie is sexting Barack Obama – and he sexts her back!!! They met online and now everyone around me is pooping their pants cause the gossip is so good!

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Batman Fires Robin

batmanrobin

By Smia Oots, NEW YORK CITY – The tentacles of the global economic crisis, or GECK as it is lovingly known by fans, have finally reached Gotham City itself, and into the Louis Vuitton pocketbook of the Batman himself.

Commissioner Gordon announced through his FaceBook homepage that “Batman has fired Robin,” effective as of 4pm this Tuesday March 10.

Posted in Special Report | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Gore Warns Celebrities Over Lack of Headroom

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By Barry Hussein, HOUSTON – Nobel prize-winning man Al Gore met with concerned celebrities this morning at Denny’s to discuss the nation’s largest decline of headroom since the 1930′s.

Celebrities, Gore says need headroom more than most because their heads are proven to be more inflated than nobodies, or typical consumers.

“We have to act now,” Gore said.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Man Pays Twice For Same Meal

By Smia Oots (with InfoSandwich News Services) SAN FRANCISCO – Reports are everywhere on the Web this morning speculating that a Bay area man has paid twice for the same meal.

The man who is as yet unidentified bears little or some resemblance to reclusive hip hop singing sensation Eminem.

Posted in Featured Brutality, Hollywood Pap | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment