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Warm Topic Archives: facebook
Ratko Mladic Changing His Name to Rick?
By Styles Cradgerock, THE HAGUE – The Hague’s newest catch, accused war criminal and Serbian general Ratko Mladic shocked followers on Twitter when he tweeted today:
“I’m thinking of changing my name…to Rick or…maybe Slobodan.”
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged bb fun corp, beatles workout gadget, facebook, ghosts, julian assange jeans, matsumoto boy, muscleinin, ratko mladic changing his name to rick?, serbia wra crimes, slobodan, social networking tools, styles cradgerock, the ab four, the beatles, the brutal times, the hague, twitter
3 Comments
TSA: From Now On Only Good-looking Passengers Will Have Their Bags Handled
By El Toro, NEWARK – Newark, it sounds like New York, but it’s not. One of a number of busy U.S. hubs where people are petted down, Newark boasts long line-ups and stinky bathrooms.
Posted in Featured Brutality
Tagged accidental airlines, dangers of airline travel, el toro, facebook, finding a dime bag in an old running shoe, girl's bathroom, mingers, pert swedish airline industry insiders, subs, the biblical figure solomon, the brutal times, the war on terror is over, the weary airline traveller, TSA: from now on only good-looking passengers will have their bags handled, twitter, ugly betty, vuvuzela, will i am
5 Comments
MySpace Backing Gaddafi in Social Network War
By Daemon Mailer, Libya, TRIPOLI – Chief executives from classic rock social networking site MySpace met with Libya’s head honcho, Moammar Ghadafi at Denny’s this morning to hash out plans for a “full frontal” assault on rebel bases held by FaceBook and Twitter, the Brutal Times has learned.
Boring
By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.
Arcade Fire.
Twitter.
Your iPhone.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged afghanistan, arcade fire, atom egoyan, avril, Ban Ki-moon, bars, beer, ben folds, bill clinton, boring, china, cocaine, cock blocker, dr.dre, egypt, eminem, england, facebook, green day, h&m, hillary hot rodham clinton, hole, iphone, iran, james cameron, japanese tv celebs, john mccain, kid rock, madonna, michael moore, mohammed el baradei, obama, oliver stone, radiohead, REM, rihanna, smia oots, snoop dogg, social networking, sting, sum 41, the british royal family, the brutal times, the foo fighters, the japanese royal family, the onion, the pixies, the simpsons, tokyo, tony blair, twitter, U2, vice magazine, wilco minus jay, williamsburg
5 Comments
Girl ‘Still has Feelings for’ Ex
By Mary-Lou Jasp, Special to the Brutal Times, NEW YORK CITY – Usually when I break up with somebody I’m already seeing someone else. Like when I broke up with Brad I was already seeing his friend Jesse, but I’d been so busy I didn’t get to tell him ’til later.
But last week when I broke up with Caro, my BF for the last 2 months, I totally forgot that I did’nt have a new BF yet! Lucky for me I could go online and chat with my online friends. And I could listen to Nickleback and Coldplay, my fave bands.
Mythical Thom Yorke Comedy Album Found
By DJ Salinger, LONDON – Brits cheered news this morning that the holy grail of Radiohead fans – a lost Thom Yorke stand up comedy triple album, had been found under a box of Kleenex in a Los Angeles record producer’s gated estate.
Posted in Thinking Man's Rock
Tagged castro, comedy albums, cuba, dj salinger, facebook, fluffer, illegal downloading, iran, iran unrest, kim jong-il, kleenex, los angeles, lost albums, north koreas, obama, phil spector, rachel spector, radiohead, stand up comedy, the brutal times, the flu, Thinking Man's Rock, thom yorke
4 Comments
My Friend is Sexting Barack Obama, and He Sexts Back!
By Kaylie, Special to the Brutal Times, BOSTON – My friend Jessie is sexting Barack Obama – and he sexts her back!!! They met online and now everyone around me is pooping their pants cause the gossip is so good!
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged barack obama, boston, campfires, edgar allan poe, facebook, fluffer, gossip, online, sexting, teens, the brutal times
2 Comments
Batman Fires Robin
By Smia Oots, NEW YORK CITY – The tentacles of the global economic crisis, or GECK as it is lovingly known by fans, have finally reached Gotham City itself, and into the Louis Vuitton pocketbook of the Batman himself.
Commissioner Gordon announced through his FaceBook homepage that “Batman has fired Robin,” effective as of 4pm this Tuesday March 10.
Posted in Special Report
Tagged batman, captain america, facebook, fired, global financial crisis, jobless, new york, obama, robin, smia oots, the brutal times, the falcon
1 Comment
Gore Warns Celebrities Over Lack of Headroom
By Barry Hussein, HOUSTON – Nobel prize-winning man Al Gore met with concerned celebrities this morning at Denny’s to discuss the nation’s largest decline of headroom since the 1930’s.
Celebrities, Gore says need headroom more than most because their heads are proven to be more inflated than nobodies, or typical consumers.
“We have to act now,” Gore said.
Posted in Thinking Man's Rock
Tagged 50 Cent, al gore, avril lavigne, barry hussein, brad pitt, britney spears, calypso, celebrities, condoleeza rice, crisis, dennys, facebook, headroom, hollywood, houston, nobel prize, obama, the brutal times
1 Comment
Man Pays Twice For Same Meal
By Smia Oots (with InfoSandwich News Services) SAN FRANCISCO – Reports are everywhere on the Web this morning speculating that a Bay area man has paid twice for the same meal.
The man who is as yet unidentified bears little or some resemblance to reclusive hip hop singing sensation Eminem.
Posted in Featured Brutality, Hollywood Pap
Tagged big dick, eminem, facebook, family budget, food, global economic crisis.depression 2.0, global financial crisis, hip hop, how not to save on meals, ipd touch, ipod touch, meals, philosophy, san francisco, saving, smia oots, the brutal times, young crowd, youtube
1 Comment