By Smia Oots, VANCOUVER – I saw a guy riding a bike with one of them nose rings?
It looked like a booger.
“Booger” means booger in Canadian English.
“It’s not a booger – it’s a piercing,” the guy, Dale Barrings, 16, a loans officer at Scotia Bank, told me.
But it sure looks like a booger.
“This thing cost me 50 bucks.”
Man – you got cheated.
“None of my friends’ve told me it looks like a booger.”
Then I guess they’re not really your friends.
Listen, you got yourself a nice big booger stickin’ outta your nose – I don’t care how much it cost you.
“Well, you got yourself a funny lookin’ face.”
I’m well aware of that.
“And you walk funny. Like you’re gettin’ it from behind.”
You couldn’t have put it any better.
“And you’re teeth are like all brown and stuff.”
I know, I know – I’m from the Starbucks Generation?
“And your fucking hair!”
It sticks to the back of my neck when I sleep and gets all sweaty.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
Well, every time I open my mouth, I say something to piss people off and that kinda sucks because I totally realize life is short and I actually want to make friends not enemies, but a lot of times people deserve it. You say I “walk like I’m gettin’ it from behind”? Brother, you haven’t seen the worst of it. Pretty much everyone on this bus is timed and ready to explode. I think it’s got to do with all the repressed Canadian sex drive – transferred into food (shout out to Freud) – that makes everybody wanna fight (since they can’t fuck) and there’s nothing else to do when they haven’t got a sandwich in their hand.
“Yer a fucken weirdo, you know that?”
It’s definitely true, in the sense that I don’t fit in to pretty much any group situation, and I’m always saying something to piss people off, but it’s not my intention.
“You fucken already said that.”
No new ideas under the sun.
Or at least since the ’90’s.
How come so many guys and gals gotta have a piercing up they nose? Mom and dad’s covered in them tattoos… and boogers comin’ out they nose…It just throws me for a loop.
“My nose piercing ruffled your feathers, didn’t it?”
I just don’t expect that…from a customer service rep at Scotia Bank.
But…how come you gotta go an stick your stuck face all in my face?
How come you gotta go and be like all yourself at your place of work and like demand all my attention alla the time?
“I’m just bein’ myself bro’. I don’t know what the fuck your problem is.”
It just wears me out. You know, I gotta pretend like in the Scotia Bank, you’re all cool and everything ’cause you got a nose ring, and, but, it looks like a booger.
“Maybe you oughtta consider doin’ your banking somewhere’s else.”
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