Warm Topic Archives: toronto

Only 1 in 5 Serial Killers is Witty

By Smia Oots, TORONTO – Despite our steady diet of witty serial killers injested from fabulus digital video digitals (DVDs), in reality fewer than five serial killers is witty, according to a landmark report submitted to the UN by Canada’a Barack Obama, Canadian Prime Minister, Cock Blocker.

Posted in Stories For Bottoms | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

‘I Love Barbie’ Says 5-Year-Old Boy

barbie

By Yves Dropper, Special to The Brutal Times, TORONTO – As Toronto spreads its broken wings and learns to fly this was a moment that was only waiting to arrive.

Posted in Conversational Gold | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Seafaring: An Exploration of All Things Nautical

mermaid

By Bertie Rusenstrom, (Special to The Brutal Times), TORONTO – As a young girl growing up in central Saskatchewan, the ocean has always held a fascination for me. Indeed, I felt my heart strings stretched to breaking each time I managed to catch a brief image of a curling surf in the wall of televisions in my father’s occult bookstore.

Posted in Hollywood Pap, Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Cock Blocker Leaves Canada Open for Anarchy

harper

By Marshall Stack, TORONTO – As winter whips its icy way through this Eastern Canadian business capital the only thing that can match the plummeting market descent are the near -100 degree C plummeting temps. And the only place to warm your balls may be the nearest local pub.

But wait. Someone is knocking at the door. Could it be – anarchy?

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kill!Kill!Kill!: Marshall Stack Hits The Dirt in Hogtown

By Marshall Stack, TORONTO-

The Canadian spring is now nearing lateness, and all about is green with life. Squirrels are screaming in the trees as raccoons shuffle earthward to defecate.

Posted in Canaduh | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Plagiarism Scandal Rocks Toronto, Shatters New Year Calm

By Hank Bonner, TORONTO – Michael Conti, a Grade 10 student honor student at Toronto’s prestigious Central
Technical School found himself at the centre of a
fierce dispute between his parents, a highly-revered teacher, and
school administrators Thursday morning.

Posted in Canaduh, Featured Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Ringo Wrote John’s Songs

Description=Beatles drummer Ringo Starr eats fish and chips, 1967.

Starr, 78, was in snow-covered Toronto to promote his new film “Caveman 2″, a just-completed sequel to his 1986 smash “Caveman” – a film made entirely in Aramaic, a full twenty years before Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ”.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments