Warm Topic Archives: john mccain

Boring

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By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.

Arcade Fire.

Twitter.

Your iPhone.

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Hillary Clinton Announces 2112 Presidential Run

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By Styles Cradgerock, TEXAS – Hot on the heels of the crushing body blow delivered to the U.S. President, the American Barack Obama by his party’s mid-term election upset, the question on everybody’s chapped lips is, “Will she run?” (“she” being Hillary, and “run” being for Mr. Obama’s current jobbie as leader of the free world).

Town criers and barely able to function baristas peppered Mrs. Clinton, whom also goes by the nom de plume Hillary, with questions about her height, favorite foods, and iPod contents.

“How about in 2016?” pressed Brutal Times intern Pfaff Onclear, 15, in between bites of a chicken falafel.

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McCain to Meet with Nice Iraqi Envoy

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By Barry Hussein, UTAH – That guy who lost the presidential election last year, John McCain, will meet with a nice Iraqi envoy at Denny’s this week, according to InfoSandwich News Service reports.

“Yeah, I’m gonna meet – what’s his name? George Thompson, an Iraqi envoy this week and get the lowdown on what the situation on the ground is over there,” McCain said, grinning like it meant something.

“Oh I get it, but what does your grin mean?” I asked the big loser.

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Few Want to Touch Obama’s Bulging Stimulus Package

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

U.S. Presidential Debate Spoilers

By El Toro, USA AMERICA – Mr Obama, who is running to be the first black US president, will wear a blue tie. Mr McCain, who is running to be the oldest white US president, will wear a red tie. […]

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Sarah Palin Threw My Hockey Puck in the Lake!

Alaska – Little is known about Sen. John McCain’s newly announced running mate Sarah Palin. But you can count on The Brutal Times to bring you the stories no one else can. We’ve unconvered what could be a bombshell once Obama’s people get thier hands on it.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Iraq Offers To Reduce Brutal Cost Of War

By Barry Hussein, Iraq, BAGHDAD – As costs mount for the pricey Iraq war, bean counters in the US administration have been prodding policymakers to look for cheaper theaters of operation in the upcoming fiscal new year. The non-partisan Congressional […]

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