Warm Topic Archives: tokyo

Exclusive: Top Models Stay Thin by Snorting Cocaine

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By Smia Oots, Tokyo, GASPANIC SHIBUYA – Tokyo town criers sent tremors through this already much shock-rocked city early this morning when they confirmed what everybody already knew all along.

Top models in Tokyo, Bahrain, and Moscow are staying thin by snorting cocaine.

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Boring

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By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.

Arcade Fire.

Twitter.

Your iPhone.

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I’ve Gone From NWA to NPR

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By Drew Nerts, TOKYO – Being abroad warps a person. It changes you in ways your parents or brothers or sisters could never’ve imagined. Since I came to Japan from my native Cincinnati, I’ve changed so much I don’t even know which top hat I wear really defines me.

I’ve come to own and love a lot of top hats.

But anyway, the big thing I noticed over breaky this morning was how I’ve gone from NWA to NPR.

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Nothing Sounds Better than a Great MP3

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By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – Nothing sounds better than a great mp3. Am I right? The Japanese discovered this back in the ’80′s, when they discovered America, but now even the biggest losers are dumping their sad sack vinyl collections in the river and wearing their CDs instead of playing them.

Good for them!

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Espresso, Lattes, Rats!

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By Ohashi Jozo, SHIMOKITAZAWA HILLS – Shimokitazawa, Tokyo. The summer of the American hipster. Blacky oversized chunky Williamsburger glasses leap from face to face, sucking all the shopping value out of a young Japonaise girl’s face and replacing it with…Ugly Betty!

Espresso, Lattes, Rats!

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Japanese Man Uses Hairdryer To Dry His Balls

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By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Recently more and more I work to rid my body of flabs and to become macho for the summertime. Day after day night after day I slide myself to the pricey gym where I don tights and perch upon a stationary bicyclette. The sweat gushes from every pore squirting on everything. After ‘cising I got to get my shower on. After that one is left the one remaining task before ejecting onto a Shibuya street literally littered with rats: to dry one’s body so clearly.

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The Brutal Times Best of 2009

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By Santa, Tokyo, SHIMOKITAZAWA – Well, Boys & Girls, it’s that most wonderful time of the year once again when they let Santa write an article here at BT.

(Correction – this is Santa’s first article for BT, since being hired well over ayear ago – Ed.)

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New TOEIC Test to Include Pillow Talk

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By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As you know many foreign man has come to Japan the purpose of which is to sex Japanese woman. At English conversational school and so on such seduction has become aplenty. Inside cube area such foreigners “teach” English to potential Japanese mate. One of such tests of conversational English is the many-feared TOEIC (Teach English I Can’t Take) test of English.

The new TOEIC test will include pillow talk.

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Young Roppongi Drunk: ‘My Dick is Your Dick’

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TOKYO (Roppongi) Sun. June 20/The New Lex 3:02am – The Brutal Times and a friendo were moping the floor with their faces as youngsters jammed their pointy double-jointed elbows into our crotches and guts.

Lady Gaga sang about the things that really make us tick.

No one was anywhere near getting any play.

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A Brutal Guide to Shimokitazawa 2: Lunching

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By Grande Chef Otto, Tokyo, SHIMOKITAZAWA – I know I know, you’re all shaking your collective headbanging heads wondering why I’d go and do such a crazy thing.

Eat out in Shimokitazawa.

Well I was hungry.

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