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Warm Topic Archives: ohashi jozu
Foreigners will be Tested on Chopstick Ability Japan Says
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As Japan cannot fight back against evil China, a new plan for revenge, revenge of any sort, damnit, has taken shape during the hours of 9 – 5 in the back alleys sandwiched between grey government offices and a delicious Chinese dumpling restaurant.
Beginning November 16, foreigners living in, entering or leaving Japan will be tested on their ability to use chopsticks.
Espresso, Lattes, Rats!
By Ohashi Jozo, SHIMOKITAZAWA HILLS – Shimokitazawa, Tokyo. The summer of the American hipster. Blacky oversized chunky Williamsburger glasses leap from face to face, sucking all the shopping value out of a young Japonaise girl’s face and replacing it with…Ugly Betty!
Espresso, Lattes, Rats!
Japanese Man Uses Hairdryer To Dry His Balls
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Recently more and more I work to rid my body of flabs and to become macho for the summertime. Day after day night after day I slide myself to the pricey gym where I don tights and perch upon a stationary bicyclette. The sweat gushes from every pore squirting on everything. After ‘cising I got to get my shower on. After that one is left the one remaining task before ejecting onto a Shibuya street literally littered with rats: to dry one’s body so clearly.
Posted in Japan
Tagged balls, hairdryer, ohashi jozu, phys ed, the brutal times, tipness, tipness shibuya, tokyo
1 Comment
New TOEIC Test to Include Pillow Talk
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As you know many foreign man has come to Japan the purpose of which is to sex Japanese woman. At English conversational school and so on such seduction has become aplenty. Inside cube area such foreigners “teach” English to potential Japanese mate. One of such tests of conversational English is the many-feared TOEIC (Teach English I Can’t Take) test of English.
The new TOEIC test will include pillow talk.
Posted in Japan
Tagged bb fun corp, english prison, Japan, japanese daily life, new toic test, obama, ohashi jozu, pillow talk, ray goolens, starbucks, teach english in japan, the brutal times, toic test, tokyo
3 Comments
Google Alert for Obama: North Korea Trying to Start a Big Fucking War
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Dear President-elect Obama/To Whom it May Concern, It’s great you became the president. I’m looking forward visiting your country some day when I get a free time.
By the way, did you know – North Korea is trying to start a big fucking war with Japan.
Japan Gives Iran 9 Volcanoes
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Just as Barack Obama America’s first black president has offered Iran “a new day” via his personal VHS videotape message to Iran’s president Saddam Hussein, Japan, the world’s second superpower is giving Iran nine volcanoes on Tuesday.
“Japan, one of our most ah steadfast uh allies – in the fight to ah, to really get things turned around over there ah in Iran, has ah to the best of our knowledge, ah promised to deliver those volcanoes before breakfast to ah Mr Hussein,” Mr Obama commented via his Blackberry text machine.
Posted in Iraq, Japan
Tagged barack obama, black berry, iran, iran-us relations, Japan, ohashi jozu, Presidential Daily Brief, saddam hussein, the brutal times, vhs, volcano, volcanoes
1 Comment
Roppongi is a ‘Sausagefest’ Declares Tokyo Mayor
By Ohashi Jozu, Roppongi, TOKYO – As you know many foreigners had come to Tokyo. The purpose of this travel is well-known – it is to sex Japanese female. Every year so many foreign man came to Tokyo with all-night backpack seeking to enjoy such activity.
But no more.
Canada May Decriminalize Carjacking
By Ohashi Jozu, Belleville Ontario, CANADA – I wept when they sentenced me to board the plane to the arctic country of Canada. This frozen wasteland was made most famous as the site of the fantastic movie Narnia. In that movie there is a tiger which can pull kids along on a sleigh and it looks so thrilling. But Canada is not such a place – its’ cold dehumanizing tundra drives most of the residents here mad within one year. All of this is well-known within Japan, which is why we go to America instead.
Posted in Canaduh
Tagged belleville ontario, canada, canada to decriminalize car-jacking, Canaduh, carjacking, crime, decriminalization, ice wine, narnia, ohashi jozu, the brutal times, winter
3 Comments