Warm Topic Archives: winter

I Can’t Wait for Winter!

September 22, 2009

By Dessy Osmonde, Special to The Brutal Times, INDIANA – I can’t wait for winter! Why? Well I can’t wait to freeze my fucking ass off next to the fire. Even with a good solid pair of winter boots pulled right up to my next nothing stops the cold, right? Viva la Mother Nature! Yes, you can spend spend spend but nothing stops that cold from seeping in and gripping your balls and bones in an icy freezing cold handshake! Yeah, winter’s comin’ and the only way to warm up for it is to open the icebox and sleep with your feet stuck inside it night after night after night.

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Canada May Decriminalize Carjacking

January 8, 2009

By Ohashi Jozu, Belleville Ontario, CANADA – I wept when they sentenced me to board the plane to the arctic country of Canada. This frozen wasteland was made most famous as the site of the fantastic movie Narnia. In that movie there is a tiger which can pull kids along on a sleigh and it looks so thrilling. But Canada is not such a place – its’ cold dehumanizing tundra drives most of the residents here mad within one year. All of this is well-known within Japan, which is why we go to America instead.

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