Warm Topic Archives: starbucks

Lip Synching Keeps Lips Looking Young and Alive

beautiful-lips

By Petit Rowley, Special to The Brutal Times, DETROIT – “Lip synching keeps lips looking young and alive,” tweeted town tween Tariq Bozzio, 29 and a half, Tuesday.

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Two Monks Go Into a Starbucks

asia-2006.1168182420.2monks

By Yves Dropper, The Holy City of Toronto, COLLEGE N’ ST. GEORGE STARBUCKS – So, two monks go into a Starbucks, sit down n’ bitch.

Joined in progress -

Posted in Conversational Gold | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Paul: “Beatles Were an Hoax”

060-paul-mccartney

By D.J. Salinger, BALTIMORE – Wiping his hands on the brim of his skintight jeans, Beatles’s front man Paul McCartney shocked a bunch of loitering black bloc anarchists patiently waiting for a bus, when he whispered at them, “I’ve got something that’ll really flip your lids, lads – The Beatles were an hoax.”

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

New TOEIC Test to Include Pillow Talk

pillowtalk

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As you know many foreign man has come to Japan the purpose of which is to sex Japanese woman. At English conversational school and so on such seduction has become aplenty. Inside cube area such foreigners “teach” English to potential Japanese mate. One of such tests of conversational English is the many-feared TOEIC (Teach English I Can’t Take) test of English.

The new TOEIC test will include pillow talk.

Posted in Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

I Need my Coffee

starbucks

By Deborah Haines, Special to The Brutal Times, BALTIMORE – I need my coffee. It’s so hard to focus on all the data that I have to punch into PC at the office (I’m a data entry professional). The first thing I do when I get into the office at 8:13am every morning is uncork my jumbo Starbucks tumbler (I call him Iron Man) and pour myself out a healthy dollop of swirling burbly black teeth rot.

Posted in Japan, Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Poll: Cool People ‘Don’t Feel Cool Enough’

Forget the global financial crisis. A new shocking wave of global concern is shock-rocking shoppers and commuters and threatening to add more lumps to everybody’s gravy, even those who chose not to order it. The cause for concern? Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies announced yesterday at Denny’s that according to in-depth research most cool people “don’t feel cool enough”.

Posted in Hollywood Pap, Latest Brutality, Schadenfreude | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

McCartney’s Suicide Wings Stun Fans

By DJ Salinger, LONDON- Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney’s new musical project was unveiled to stunned shoppers strolling the streets of London’s trendy Piccadilly Circus Thursday as the bearded bassist growled and glared his way through a seventeen minute set […]

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments