McCartney’s Suicide Wings Stun Fans

By DJ Salinger, LONDON- Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney’s new musical project was unveiled to stunned shoppers strolling the streets of London’s trendy Piccadilly Circus Thursday as the bearded bassist growled and glared his way through a seventeen minute set of songs form his new CD “Ringo’s Next”. He was backed up by his brand new band, Suicide Wings.

The new band, features former Wings member Denny Laine on guitar, and a group of Satanists who McCartney met on tour last year at a Starbucks. None of the Satanists are musicians. Some of them refuse to speak. However, rumor has it that although conversation between the usually soft-spoken McCartney and the brawling bunch was stilted at first, the eight-piece band bonded over a blackened breakfast of barbeque chicken wings and then became buddies.

But there’s more.

Although the business of shock-rocking one’s way into one’s old age has been rarely glimpsed on rock’s radar of recent, sources say that since 1977 McCartney has sent small-sized sardines to Satanists with whom he sought to socialize. That said, it appears all but certain that someday such socializing would bear bitter fruit.

Enter Suicide Wings.

“We’ll bury you – we’ll eat your head,” roared Sir Paul to a gaggle of grandmothers gathered in front of the HMV record shop atop which Suicide Wings were playing their thunderous Thursday show. “We’ll- chew on your eyeballs,” he suggested suggestively.

“I’m stunned,” said stepmother Stella Shanks,60. “I was shopping and suddenly I stopped shopping because I saw all these people standing and staring and then I saw they were staring at Sir Paul,” she said. “They, I, and everybody was so surprised, we were almost mummified on the spot out of stupor.”

“Suicide Wings doesn’t care what she thinks,” said Shasta S., who refused to give her last name because she was “skipping off school because it’s stupid”.

As for the title of the CD – “Ringo’s Next”, some say it’s a dig at fellow Beatle Ringo Starr, who along with McCartney has survived to outlive fellow Beatles Bob Seger (who blew himself up), and John Cougar Melloncamp (who is missing).

“Whoa, when I heard McCartney’s goin’ around, sayin’ ‘Ringo’s next, Ringo’s next’, I was like -‘Watch out man, Ringo’s gonna come back and kick your ass now’,” said an excited Edmond Eggbert, 53, who is a long-time fan of the Beatles’ drummer.

Yet despite all the hulaballo advance tickets to the bands’ upcoming performances are outselling even those of popular British Deepresso artists Radio Heads and Coldplay.

“People are happy to see Macca (McCartney) take it farther,” said local London music critic Jazz Man, 60. “Personally, I think he stands a real chance to shake things up at Starbucks Records,” he added. Starbucks has been home to McCartney since 2004, when Macca sipped his first frappacino and, “fell in love” with the label.

Suicide Wings open for Cannibal Corpse October 31st at London’s prestigious 02 Arena.

Everyone will be there.

About DJ Salinger

Better than nothing, DJ Salinger shakes it where the sun don't shine. BT' s resident recluse on the loose, Salinger is the trouble with this generation, begging the question, What is the sound of one fist bumping?
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4 Responses to McCartney’s Suicide Wings Stun Fans

  1. toddsjobmail says:

    stop lying! stop lying! your making me crazy with all of these lies!!!

  2. admin says:

    styles cradgerock was in the war- all the wars. he enjoyed them. like john mccain this means everything he says is true.

  3. igor frank says:

    scooping brains tortured skulls! onward darkness bulbous eggs!

  4. admin says:

    kitchen’s closed igor, sorry.

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