Warm Topic Archives: dennys

MySpace Backing Gaddafi in Social Network War

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By Daemon Mailer, Libya, TRIPOLI – Chief executives from classic rock social networking site MySpace met with Libya’s head honcho, Moammar Ghadafi at Denny’s this morning to hash out plans for a “full frontal” assault on rebel bases held by FaceBook and Twitter, the Brutal Times has learned.

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J.R.R. Tolkien Wrote a Book about Onion Rings

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By Grande Chef Otto, NEW YORK CITY – Fans of Hogwarts are squirming more than they care to admit as town criers at Denny’s say J.R.R. Tolkien wrote a book about onion rings.

“First of all, it’s not ‘Hogwarts – it’s Middle Earth,” whined Hogwarts fan Heather Bille, 50. “What’s more is the genious who created Middle Earth, J.R.R Tolkien, was also secretly a lover of fast food,” she went on, not blinking.

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Only 1 in 5 Serial Killers is Witty

By Smia Oots, TORONTO – Despite our steady diet of witty serial killers injested from fabulus digital video digitals (DVDs), in reality fewer than five serial killers is witty, according to a landmark report submitted to the UN by Canada’a Barack Obama, Canadian Prime Minister, Cock Blocker.

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U.S. Not Leaving Afghanistan, Just ‘Wants to See Other People for Awhile’

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By Barry Hussein, KABUL – U.S.A. America defense minister Robert Gates brushed off rapid fire interrogation from town criers gathered at Denny’s yesterday, as they (the criers) demanded to know if the United States (U.S.A America) was leaving Afghanistan as rumored on the street.

“Oh no you guys,” Gates said, “we just want to see other people for awhile.”

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Most Parties Bad, Study Shows

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By The Serge, LOS ANGELES – Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies released what amounts to a 35-year landmark study on parties, “Parties: a Study”, today at Denny’s.

The result?

Most parties are bad.

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Smorgasborg: The Gastronomic Cyborg

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By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO – Japan has shown China it is superior once again with Japanese technology giant BB FunCorp’s unveiling of Smorgasborg, the Gastronomic Cyborg yesterday at Denny’s.

Many weaklings in the audience vomited profusely when the saw the dishes Smorgas, had made.

Posted in Exclusive!, Japan, Stories For Bottoms | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Healthy Pets Live Longer

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By Smia Oots, BOSTON – Pet lovers are petting themselves on the back and in some other areas, congratulating themselves on the confirmation of what they’ve known for decades: healthy pets live longer.

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McCain to Meet with Nice Iraqi Envoy

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By Barry Hussein, UTAH – That guy who lost the presidential election last year, John McCain, will meet with a nice Iraqi envoy at Denny’s this week, according to InfoSandwich News Service reports.

“Yeah, I’m gonna meet – what’s his name? George Thompson, an Iraqi envoy this week and get the lowdown on what the situation on the ground is over there,” McCain said, grinning like it meant something.

“Oh I get it, but what does your grin mean?” I asked the big loser.

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Gore Warns Celebrities Over Lack of Headroom

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By Barry Hussein, HOUSTON – Nobel prize-winning man Al Gore met with concerned celebrities this morning at Denny’s to discuss the nation’s largest decline of headroom since the 1930′s.

Celebrities, Gore says need headroom more than most because their heads are proven to be more inflated than nobodies, or typical consumers.

“We have to act now,” Gore said.

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