By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Van Halen fans watching the band’s just-released video with singer David Lee Roth for the song Tattoo, have been scratching themselves more than usual this week, as many were noticing that Roth now bears a striking resemblance to comedian Steve Martin.
“Well, the reason for that is quite obvious to me at least,” quipped Republican U.S. presidential candidate Ron Paul,76.
Oh, and why is that?
“That’s because he is Steve Martin.”
Surprisingly, Paul is not alone.
A MyGoodies/InfoSandwich poll carried out in elevators and Mr. Donuts coffee restaurants found that 99.9% of classic rock fans and their spouses support the conspiracy theory that Roth could have been replaced by Martin, in what has to be the most embarrassing attempt at a classic rock comeback since Guns N’ Roses’ 2008 crap attack, Chinese Democracy.
The supporting evidence is provocative, to say the least.
“I mean, first, you’ve got his face – that’s Steve Martin’s face he (Roth) has on right there (in the Tattoo video), ejaculated Professor Rant Foaming, 58. “And then, in the video – all that mugging for the camera – all that goofy dancing – tell me that isn’t Steve Martin,” he went on.
No one under forty knows who Steve Martin is.
No one under fifty knows who David Lee Roth is.
Few people ever really get to know themselves.
Most of you saw that coming.
Is Van Halen any good with Steve Martin singing?
“Uh, no, they are not any good with Steve Martin singing,” chimed Jazz Man, 60. “Well, I mean, for you they might be good – you who have lowered your expectations so much that you believe in nothing.”
Woah, woah, woah. Hold on a second, honey.
“Tell me you’re prepared to give Van Halen with Steve Martin a fair chance.”
I’m not even convinced it’s Steve Martin.
“You’re- oh, I should have seen this coming. You don’t even believe the conspiracy, because you think it’s too simple. You’d rather believe in a conspiracy of a conspiracy”
I just remember Steve Martin being funnier than that.
“Didn’t you hear the jokes Roth – Martin – was telling at the show they did in New York?”
Yeah, I don’t think Steve Martin would’ve touched that with a – I don’t think he would have touched that kind of material.
“You think that was more…more like a Kramer kind of – more like some stand up Kramer would have done.”
Thankfully, no. But, come to think of it, did you ever notice Kramer looks a lot like Sammy Hagar?
Am I right?