By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Van Halen fans watching the band’s just-released video with singer David Lee Roth for the song Tattoo, have been scratching themselves more than usual this week, as many were noticing that Roth now bears a striking resemblance to comedian Steve Martin.
“Well, the reason for that is quite obvious to me at least,” quipped Republican U.S. presidential candidate Ron Paul,76.
Oh, and why is that?
“That’s because he is Steve Martin.”
Surprisingly, Paul is not alone.
A MyGoodies/InfoSandwich poll carried out in elevators and Mr. Donuts coffee restaurants found that 99.9% of classic rock fans and their spouses support the conspiracy theory that Roth could have been replaced by Martin, in what has to be the most embarrassing attempt at a classic rock comeback since Guns N’ Roses’ 2008 crap attack, Chinese Democracy.
The supporting evidence is provocative, to say the least.
“I mean, first, you’ve got his face – that’s Steve Martin’s face he (Roth) has on right there (in the Tattoo video), ejaculated Professor Rant Foaming, 58. “And then, in the video – all that mugging for the camera – all that goofy dancing – tell me that isn’t Steve Martin,” he went on.
No one under forty knows who Steve Martin is.
No one under fifty knows who David Lee Roth is.
Few people ever really get to know themselves.
Most of you saw that coming.
Is Van Halen any good with Steve Martin singing?
“Uh, no, they are not any good with Steve Martin singing,” chimed Jazz Man, 60. “Well, I mean, for you they might be good – you who have lowered your expectations so much that you believe in nothing.”
Woah, woah, woah. Hold on a second, honey.
“Tell me you’re prepared to give Van Halen with Steve Martin a fair chance.”
I’m not even convinced it’s Steve Martin.
“You’re- oh, I should have seen this coming. You don’t even believe the conspiracy, because you think it’s too simple. You’d rather believe in a conspiracy of a conspiracy”
I just remember Steve Martin being funnier than that.
“Didn’t you hear the jokes Roth – Martin – was telling at the show they did in New York?”
Yeah, I don’t think Steve Martin would’ve touched that with a – I don’t think he would have touched that kind of material.
“You think that was more…more like a Kramer kind of – more like some stand up Kramer would have done.”
Thankfully, no. But, come to think of it, did you ever notice Kramer looks a lot like Sammy Hagar?
Am I right?
yeah, i think you guys ought to give those guys a better chance. you should just like anything.
a record low blow for you, BT. a whole article devoted to a man’s face.i guess since your hangin out with gingrich its ok.
i like tattoo! it’s only the good van halen songs that i don’t like!
i’m just reassured by the fact that we don’t need van halen to be good, since the rest of pop music is so awesome these days. can’t wait to hear the new radiohead!
@la bear: mmmn, i don’t think you will be satisfied with the “new radiohead” la bear. personally, every time i even hear the phrase “radiohead” i sink into a deep sense of frustration slash dissatisfaction. bottom line – they’re the 00’ss Dire Straits.
yeah…unfunny. cancel my subscription. you know what…cancel me.
“Did you ever notice Kramer looks a lot like sammy hagar?”: Van Kramer. Make it happen.
hey, nancy – check your vh history. from 2000 – 2002 van kramer did exist. those shows are all readily available on the internet. readily.
ha ha – hey bertie, i just wanted to see if anyone out there understood i was joking. obviously, you didn’t. i guess you don’t know things that most people consider common sense.
nancy, bertie – i think we can all agree van halen/ van kramer – watever you want to call them – have seen better days. i hate to be the one to come to the brutal times’ defense here, but can’t you see there is nothing more important going on in the world? can’t you?
i just wanna say to anyone who hasn’t listened to Tattoo, you might want to avoid it. Lest you have lines like “Sexy dragon magic!” repeating over and over in your mind. yes, i’m talking about my own sad sack experience.