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Warm Topic Archives: fluffer
Why Try Harder?: 2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate 8 Spoilers
By Styles Cradgerock,Florida, ORLANDO- Who’d want to go and sit through another Republican 2012 Presidential Master Debate? But with The Serge off sick and Barry Husein confined to his room I drew the short straw and jetted off from Tokyo to sunny Orlando, Florida to sleep through most of it, the 7th Republican Master Debate in as many weeks.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged barbara bachmann, bb fun corp, florida, fluffer, ice cream, michelle bachman dominatrix, mitt romney, orlando, Presidential Daily Brief, rick perry, rick the dick santorum, ringo starr's wife, romulan in the white house, romulus, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, why try harder? reoublican presidential 2012 master debate 8 spoilers
6 Comments
Exclusive: Top Models Stay Thin by Snorting Cocaine
By Smia Oots, Tokyo, GASPANIC SHIBUYA – Tokyo town criers sent tremors through this already much shock-rocked city early this morning when they confirmed what everybody already knew all along.
Top models in Tokyo, Bahrain, and Moscow are staying thin by snorting cocaine.
Posted in Business Jesus
Tagged 000 millisieverts of cocaine per hour, 50, Business Jesus, exclusive: top models stay thin by snorting cocaine, fluffer, gaspanic shibuya, jay-Z.my goodies, julian assange jeans, millisieverts, playboy mansion cooties, professor rant foaming, the brutal times, tokyo, vuvuzelas
2 Comments
Peanut Butter & Jam Sandwich Popularity to Skyrocket in 2011
By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Among the many exciting predictions for 2011, younger brother of famed predictor Nostradamus, Rob Nostradamus, says more people across the globe will eat peanut butter and jam sandwiches this year than maybe at any other year in the history of the worlds’ diverse peoples.
Hillary Clinton Announces 2112 Presidential Run
By Styles Cradgerock, TEXAS – Hot on the heels of the crushing body blow delivered to the U.S. President, the American Barack Obama by his party’s mid-term election upset, the question on everybody’s chapped lips is, “Will she run?” (“she” being Hillary, and “run” being for Mr. Obama’s current jobbie as leader of the free world).
Town criers and barely able to function baristas peppered Mrs. Clinton, whom also goes by the nom de plume Hillary, with questions about her height, favorite foods, and iPod contents.
“How about in 2016?” pressed Brutal Times intern Pfaff Onclear, 15, in between bites of a chicken falafel.
Less is More in Beatles Box
By DJ Salinger, LAS VEGAS – Finally, after sweating through the long wait of three months since the last Beatles album was released we can get our rocks off with the just-released 150 album box set which contains all of the lads’ 18,0981 songs (minus the baggage of all those John Lennon and George Harrison tracks which dogged down much of the earlier compilation best boxes).
“Yeah, we finally figured out what was missing with the earlier 569808 best of Beatles releases,” said long-time Beatles producer and confidante George Martin, from his villa in sunny Las Vegas, Sunday, “those fucking Harrison and Lennon songs,”
James Brown is Dead, China Says
By DJ Salinger, BEIJING – Early reports coming out of this world-class Olympic city are confirming what the rest of the world has believed to be true for well over a year – that James Brown has died.
Mythical Thom Yorke Comedy Album Found
By DJ Salinger, LONDON – Brits cheered news this morning that the holy grail of Radiohead fans – a lost Thom Yorke stand up comedy triple album, had been found under a box of Kleenex in a Los Angeles record producer’s gated estate.
Posted in Thinking Man's Rock
Tagged castro, comedy albums, cuba, dj salinger, facebook, fluffer, illegal downloading, iran, iran unrest, kim jong-il, kleenex, los angeles, lost albums, north koreas, obama, phil spector, rachel spector, radiohead, stand up comedy, the brutal times, the flu, Thinking Man's Rock, thom yorke
4 Comments
My Friend is Sexting Barack Obama, and He Sexts Back!
By Kaylie, Special to the Brutal Times, BOSTON – My friend Jessie is sexting Barack Obama – and he sexts her back!!! They met online and now everyone around me is pooping their pants cause the gossip is so good!
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged barack obama, boston, campfires, edgar allan poe, facebook, fluffer, gossip, online, sexting, teens, the brutal times
2 Comments
Books are so Boring
Special to the Brutal Times, By Tamara – Books are so boring. Don’t get me wrong – I love books. I grew up around books all my life.
But every time I look at a book it just puts me to sleep.
Posted in Ordinary People
Tagged books, boring, breakfast recipes, cheesegrater, fluffer, gunman, harry potter, krazy glue, losers, microwave, Ordinary People, the brutal times, touching gesture
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