WTF is the brutal times?
Well now.
This question keeps cropping up more and more at dinner parties and emergency room reunions. If only I had more time to properly cram the nuance and the smell of the brutal times into this teensy weensy Internet blurb. If only I were younger. Shorter. Fruitier. With salsa.
Basically the brutal times started in my garage when I was wearing my glasses and tight yellow stripped felt sport shirt. I was trying desperately to beat my neighbor Billiard Gates from inventing the kompyooter machine first. But I had only my toolbox my granpappy gave me and I was drunk. I felt good; but I lost the race.
And then, I was racing Mr Quentin Tarantino to become the first person to invent the video store. But I could not win in my mission. He became so rich. I was sad.
And then, I worked a jobbie in Tokyo Japan! Oh my Gawd! I could use the Internet machine, go online, chat to friends and so on! They even gave me salary to feed my face!
I was in my dream!
And then, a man who was bad fired me 2 times in 2 weeks! Oh my golly, I was so surprised about it! But I remember he had eaten American beef from American hamburgers so much he had probably lost his mind. So I also felt sad.
Anyway, after quiet time I started up konpyooter machine gave to me by old jobbie’s friend Brutal Mike san (actually he was vice president until he stook up for me and got resigned too!) and we stuck art all over the Internet’s face. We even stuck some right in its eye! I laughed out loud until I had to stop.
Well, now you know some of the story. You must be spent; I know I am. In Tokyo now it’s late and past my bedtime. I want to make a snack but recently I gained a lot of weight around my neck; I start to look not so attractive and cried a little.
So no snack for me. But for you dear readers – Doozo! (it means go ahead in Japanese).
Tonight, it’s all you can eat.
Love and Peace,
Gloatus Maximus
Grand Poo-bah, The Brutal Times, Tokyo Japan