Warm Topic Archives: smia oots

Is Ben Afleck U.S. Cinema’s Enfant Terrible?

December 6, 2012

By Smia Oots, Los Angeles, HOLLYWOOD

Posted in Exclusive!, Hollywood Pap | Tagged Aargo, Argo, Ben Afleck, brutal exclusive, hollywood pap, Is Ben Afleck American Cinema's enfant terrible?, smia oots, that new Iran movie with uh Ben Afleck, the brutal times, the brutal times.com | Leave a comment

Guy’s Nose Ring Looks Like a Booger

December 12, 2011

By Smia Oots, VANCOUVER – I saw a guy riding a bike with one of them nose rings?
It looked like a booger.
“Booger” means booger in Canadian English.
“It’s not a booger – it’s a piercing,” the guy, Dale Barrings, 16, a loans officer at Scotia Bank, told me.
But it sure looks like a booger.

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged banking, free to be me, guy's nose ring looks like a booger, smia oots, the brutal times, the starbucks generation | 4 Comments

Copycat Quakes Condemned

April 19, 2011

By Smia Oots, NEW YORK CITY – Prestigious U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon has condemned, and is condemning, any country’s attempt to copy or illegally distribute Japan’s massive March 9.0 magnitude earthquake.

Posted in Japan | Tagged Ban Ki-moon, BLT, Canaduh, copycat quakes condemned, japan earthquake, ray goolens, smia oots, the American barack obama, the british barack obama, the brutal times, the canadian barack obama, tremblor, twitter, Young Seaweed, youthquaking | 5 Comments

Boring

February 15, 2011

By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.

Arcade Fire.

Twitter.

Your iPhone.

Posted in Exclusive! | Tagged afghanistan, arcade fire, atom egoyan, avril, Ban Ki-moon, bars, beer, ben folds, bill clinton, boring, china, cocaine, cock blocker, dr.dre, egypt, eminem, england, facebook, green day, h&m, hillary hot rodham clinton, hole, iphone, iran, james cameron, japanese tv celebs, john mccain, kid rock, madonna, michael moore, mohammed el baradei, obama, oliver stone, radiohead, REM, rihanna, smia oots, snoop dogg, social networking, sting, sum 41, the british royal family, the brutal times, the foo fighters, the japanese royal family, the onion, the pixies, the simpsons, tokyo, tony blair, twitter, U2, vice magazine, wilco minus jay, williamsburg | 5 Comments

Anarchy Condos Under Seige in Toronto

June 28, 2010

By Smia Oots, THE HOLY CITY OF TORONTO – Anarchists dressed in eye-numbing colored jumpsuits, bathing trunks and business attire hurled themselves against each other and their own underground condo, Toronto’s fashionable Queen’s Quay residence, The Anarchy Condos At No Fixed Address

Posted in Canaduh | Tagged anarchy condos, Canaduh, G-20, green day, smia oots, sports punk, the brutal times, toronto anarchists, vuvuzela | 2 Comments

Clones Ruffle Identical Twins’ Feathers

February 13, 2010

By Smia Oots, HOLLYWOOD – As more and more clones move into the neighborhood and take jobs belonging to identical twins a growing echo of whining is spirally out of control in online chat rooms and some of the worst-kept public rest rooms in the city.

“I don’t like clones, ok?” ejaculated Uger Goolens, 16, a hedge fund manager at Goldman Sachs. His identical twin, Lawrence Goolens, 56, nodded in agreement. “They ruffle my feathers,” Uger went on.

Posted in Hollywood Pap | Tagged billy, clones, coldplay, goldman sachs, hollywood, identical twins, radiohead, ruffle feathers, smia oots, subway vigilantes, the brutal times, toyota, university of tokyo | 2 Comments

US to Declassify more Cute Pet Stories

January 15, 2010

By Smia Oots, ARLINGTON – US President Barack Obama, fullfilling his campaign promise of more openness in government, ordered this morning that 16 more cute pet stories be released to the public.

The soon-to-be-released 16 cute pet stories brings the total of cute pet stories released to public view by Obama to 17. On his first day as president he released “Topps: the Story of the Cutest Dog with Whiskers”. The 180 word story featured a photo of Topps, which spread over Internet chat rooms faster dwarfing everyone’s attention for weeks.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged cute pet stories, mitt romney, obama, obama 2010, Presidential Daily Brief, smia oots, sute pet videos, the brutal times | Leave a comment

Irony Apparel a Smash Hit in Williamsburg

September 24, 2009

By Smia Oots, Brooklyn, WILLIAMSBURG – Four-eyed sneering running-shoe-wearing tattoo-show-offing white-skin-cladding Williamsburg hipsters have bitten onto to something and they just can’t let go!

Irony apparel is a smash hit in Williamsburg.

Posted in Disco Island | Tagged dick cheney, henry kissinger, irony apparel, michael jackson, neck and penis, ray goolens, rush limbaugh, sid vicious, smia oots, the brutal times, thom yorke, williamsburg | 1 Comment

Man Who Thinks He’s Funny, Isn’t

August 9, 2009

By Smia Oots, TORONTO – As sub zero temps blast through this sub-standard city of 17,000 tongues were wagging with a new-found consensus that seemed poised to derail the confidence of at least one Greater Toronto man.

A man, believing himself to be be funny for years, has been clinically proven to be unfunny.

Posted in Stories For Bottoms | Tagged billy, canadian poetry, clutches, comedy, japanese english, ray goolens, reality check, satan, smia oots, the brutal times, twits | 1 Comment

Apple & Rubix Unveil iPube

June 16, 2009

By Smia Oots, BRISBANE – Choosing balmy Brisbane as the setting to showcase their first joint venture, former arch rivals Apple Computer and Rubix blew everyone’s jets when they unveiled what industry insiders are saying is revving up to be the hit of the summer.

What is it?

Meet – the iPube.

Posted in Special Report | Tagged apple, brisbane, gadgets, gizmos, ipod, iPube, pubes, rubix cube, smia oots, the brutal times | 1 Comment