Warm Topic Archives: el toro

Man’s Shit “Doesn’t Stink”

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By El Toro, WOODS HOLE – The medical community has become unhinged this morning with reports of Ron Jean Beaujong, a 22-year-old systems programmer from Oregon clogging up the blogosphere so much so that wi-fi is down all over town.

Know why?

Mr. Jean Beaujong’s shit doesn’t stink.

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For Lefties, the Right Hand is ‘The Stranger’

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By El Toro, with DJ Salinger contributing, IOWA – Yes, for years folks over forty thought Billy Joel was “The Stranger.”

And maybe he was, in a way, in whatever way that might mean.

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TSA: From Now On Only Good-looking Passengers Will Have Their Bags Handled

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By El Toro, NEWARK – Newark, it sounds like New York, but it’s not. One of a number of busy U.S. hubs where people are petted down, Newark boasts long line-ups and stinky bathrooms.

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500-year-old Book is Really Boring

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By El Toro, PITTSBURGH – A 500-year-old book somebody found here the other day is really boring sources are telling the Brutal Times this morning.

“I didn’t even open the book – just looking at it made me drool all over myself,”

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Old People Live Longer

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By El Toro, WASHINGTON – As Barack Obama America’s first president gears up to give all Americans universal health care, folks are leaning back in their chairs and on the couch to consider the results of a prestigious 60 year study that proves what most of us already knew:

Old people live longer.

“Old people, live longer than young people, ” said Tim Barnes, an unpaid intern at MyGoodies, a multi-billi0n-gazillion dollar tentacles around the world.

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Interview Schminterbiew

By Ghazala Khan (Special to The Brutal Times) TOKYO -

The following interview was conducted by Ghazala Khan of The Pakistani Spectator. It recalls a friendlier, more innocent time when staff members of The Brutal Times could casually gather around the fried chicken dispensor in the BT offices at Shimokitazawa Hills. A time when birds chirped, but not too loudly. Before the layoffs and the name-calling. Two weeks ago.

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Dark Knight Angered By Presidential ‘Snub’

By El Toro, NEW YORK CITY – As six former US presidents sat down for a delicious lunch with President George W Bush and president-elect Barack Obama every face at the table beamed with bi-partisan glee.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Hollywood Pap, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

U.S. TV Networks Leaving Iraq

By The Serge, Sadr City, IRAQ – After 5 years of popular US shows being written, produced and directed in this magnificent mountainous country all but one of the major US tv networks has admitted it has plans to pull the plug on its studio facilities here before the end of 2009.

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North Korea to Obama: Give Us Britney Spears

By El Toro, Democracy City, NORTH KOREA – What is it with North Korea? They’re like everybody’s little brother – always clamoring for attention at the worst possible moment. After threatening the good old USA with missiles and plans to build nuclear bombs the tiny island nation ruled by charismatic Kim Jong-Il slipped out of the news for the last few months, giving us all a chance to focus on digesting the fascinating global economic crisis.

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Poll: Cool People ‘Don’t Feel Cool Enough’

Forget the global financial crisis. A new shocking wave of global concern is shock-rocking shoppers and commuters and threatening to add more lumps to everybody’s gravy, even those who chose not to order it. The cause for concern? Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies announced yesterday at Denny’s that according to in-depth research most cool people “don’t feel cool enough”.

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