Warm Topic Archives: global economic crisis

Number of Female Death Metal Fans Drops

September 25, 2009
deathmetalgirls

By DJ Salinger, BAFFIN ISLAND – With windchill temperatures here at already -89C and folks on this sparsely-decorated backward island nation clutching their nether regions with a rabid ferocity just to keep alive, the basic human desire for good news is at an all-time high.

They’re gonna have to wait.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Man ‘Looks Forward’ to Pay Day

September 24, 2009
payday

By Business Jesus, BOSTON – President Barack Obama has loosed the hounds of hell on the global economic crisis and so far it’s looking up up up for all the world’s workers and friends of their friends.

The news has been full of how said global economic crisis (or GECK) has been ruffling the feathers of regular folks for like months.

Want more?

Posted in Special Report | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cock Blocker Leaves Canada Open for Anarchy

January 22, 2009
harper

By Marshall Stack, TORONTO – As winter whips its icy way through this Eastern Canadian business capital the only thing that can match the plummeting market descent are the near -100 degree C plummeting temps. And the only place to warm your balls may be the nearest local pub.

But wait. Someone is knocking at the door. Could it be – anarchy?

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bin Laden: Al Qaeda to Cut Part-Timers, Close Schools

January 14, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, with Minx Cradgerock , PARIS – As hard times are felt all across the globe due to the worsening of the financial crisis everyone is looking for ways to pinch pennies and froog to the new frugal beat of 2009.

Duh.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Few Want to Touch Obama’s Bulging Stimulus Package

January 8, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

GM Unveils New Sex Drive Car

December 23, 2008

By Styles Cradgerock, DETROIT – Just in time for Christmas, GM has unveiled its most fabulous machine yet – the sex-drive car! The sleek family auto known as the GM Phero, is 100% powered on the pheronome, which in case [...]

Posted in Featured Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments