Warm Topic Archives: global economic crisis

Number of Female Death Metal Fans Drops

deathmetalgirls

By DJ Salinger, BAFFIN ISLAND – With windchill temperatures here at already -89C and folks on this sparsely-decorated backward island nation clutching their nether regions with a rabid ferocity just to keep alive, the basic human desire for good news is at an all-time high.

They’re gonna have to wait.

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Man ‘Looks Forward’ to Pay Day

payday

By Business Jesus, BOSTON – President Barack Obama has loosed the hounds of hell on the global economic crisis and so far it’s looking up up up for all the world’s workers and friends of their friends.

The news has been full of how said global economic crisis (or GECK) has been ruffling the feathers of regular folks for like months.

Want more?

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Cock Blocker Leaves Canada Open for Anarchy

harper

By Marshall Stack, TORONTO – As winter whips its icy way through this Eastern Canadian business capital the only thing that can match the plummeting market descent are the near -100 degree C plummeting temps. And the only place to warm your balls may be the nearest local pub.

But wait. Someone is knocking at the door. Could it be – anarchy?

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Bin Laden: Al Qaeda to Cut Part-Timers, Close Schools

By Styles Cradgerock, with Minx Cradgerock , PARIS – As hard times are felt all across the globe due to the worsening of the financial crisis everyone is looking for ways to pinch pennies and froog to the new frugal beat of 2009.

Duh.

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Few Want to Touch Obama’s Bulging Stimulus Package

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.

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GM Unveils New Sex Drive Car

By Styles Cradgerock, DETROIT – Just in time for Christmas, GM has unveiled its most fabulous machine yet – the sex-drive car! The sleek family auto known as the GM Phero, is 100% powered on the pheronome, which in case […]

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