Warm Topic Archives: mitt romney

Why Try Harder?: 2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate 8 Spoilers

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By Styles Cradgerock,Florida, ORLANDO- Who’d want to go and sit through another Republican 2012 Presidential Master Debate? But with The Serge off sick and Barry Husein confined to his room I drew the short straw and jetted off from Tokyo to sunny Orlando, Florida to sleep through most of it, the 7th Republican Master Debate in as many weeks.

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2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate Director’s Cut

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The following is a Director’s Cut of the 2012 Republican presidential debate on Sept. 7, 2011, in Simi Valley, Calif., as corrected by The Brutal Times.

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Hillary Clinton Announces 2112 Presidential Run

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By Styles Cradgerock, TEXAS – Hot on the heels of the crushing body blow delivered to the U.S. President, the American Barack Obama by his party’s mid-term election upset, the question on everybody’s chapped lips is, “Will she run?” (“she” being Hillary, and “run” being for Mr. Obama’s current jobbie as leader of the free world).

Town criers and barely able to function baristas peppered Mrs. Clinton, whom also goes by the nom de plume Hillary, with questions about her height, favorite foods, and iPod contents.

“How about in 2016?” pressed Brutal Times intern Pfaff Onclear, 15, in between bites of a chicken falafel.

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General Urko Irked as Obama Picks Petraeus

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By Barry Hussein, WASHINGTON – Fearsome warlord General Urko is said to be “quaking with venomous rage” at U.S. president, the American Barack Obama’s choice to pass him over for the plumb position of new commander of U.S. forces in the Afghan humanitarian intervention

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US to Declassify more Cute Pet Stories

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By Smia Oots, ARLINGTON – US President Barack Obama, fullfilling his campaign promise of more openness in government, ordered this morning that 16 more cute pet stories be released to the public.

The soon-to-be-released 16 cute pet stories brings the total of cute pet stories released to public view by Obama to 17. On his first day as president he released “Topps: the Story of the Cutest Dog with Whiskers”. The 180 word story featured a photo of Topps, which spread over Internet chat rooms faster dwarfing everyone’s attention for weeks.

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McCain Feels The Heat For Romulan ‘Slur’

By Barry Hussein, DETROIT- Freshly-minted Republican primary front-runner John McCain may have placed his chances of victory this Tuesday in Michigan in jeopardy. McCain, 71, who ran much of his campaign for the presidency in 2000 aboard a bus known […]

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