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Warm Topic Archives: mitt romney
Why Try Harder?: 2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate 8 Spoilers
By Styles Cradgerock,Florida, ORLANDO- Who’d want to go and sit through another Republican 2012 Presidential Master Debate? But with The Serge off sick and Barry Husein confined to his room I drew the short straw and jetted off from Tokyo to sunny Orlando, Florida to sleep through most of it, the 7th Republican Master Debate in as many weeks.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged barbara bachmann, bb fun corp, florida, fluffer, ice cream, michelle bachman dominatrix, mitt romney, orlando, Presidential Daily Brief, rick perry, rick the dick santorum, ringo starr's wife, romulan in the white house, romulus, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, why try harder? reoublican presidential 2012 master debate 8 spoilers
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2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate Director’s Cut
The following is a Director’s Cut of the 2012 Republican presidential debate on Sept. 7, 2011, in Simi Valley, Calif., as corrected by The Brutal Times.
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged 2012 fonzi scheme, 2012 republican presidential master debate director's cut, barry husein, iPad2, mitt romney, mitt romney's romulan heritage, Presidential Daily Brief, rick perry, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, transcript of the 2012 gop debate, us politics 2011 us election 2012
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Hillary Clinton Announces 2112 Presidential Run
By Styles Cradgerock, TEXAS – Hot on the heels of the crushing body blow delivered to the U.S. President, the American Barack Obama by his party’s mid-term election upset, the question on everybody’s chapped lips is, “Will she run?” (“she” being Hillary, and “run” being for Mr. Obama’s current jobbie as leader of the free world).
Town criers and barely able to function baristas peppered Mrs. Clinton, whom also goes by the nom de plume Hillary, with questions about her height, favorite foods, and iPod contents.
“How about in 2016?” pressed Brutal Times intern Pfaff Onclear, 15, in between bites of a chicken falafel.
General Urko Irked as Obama Picks Petraeus
By Barry Hussein, WASHINGTON – Fearsome warlord General Urko is said to be “quaking with venomous rage” at U.S. president, the American Barack Obama’s choice to pass him over for the plumb position of new commander of U.S. forces in the Afghan humanitarian intervention
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged afghanistan, barry hussein, cornelius, dr. zaius, dwayne nostradamus, general petraeus, General Urko, mitt romney, Presidential Daily Brief, romulus, sports metaphors, stanley mcchystal, starship troopers, the American barack obama, the beastie boys, the brutal times, the planet of the apes, twitter, white house beer garden
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US to Declassify more Cute Pet Stories
By Smia Oots, ARLINGTON – US President Barack Obama, fullfilling his campaign promise of more openness in government, ordered this morning that 16 more cute pet stories be released to the public.
The soon-to-be-released 16 cute pet stories brings the total of cute pet stories released to public view by Obama to 17. On his first day as president he released “Topps: the Story of the Cutest Dog with Whiskers”. The 180 word story featured a photo of Topps, which spread over Internet chat rooms faster dwarfing everyone’s attention for weeks.