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Warm Topic Archives: Japan
Espresso, Lattes, Rats!
By Ohashi Jozo, SHIMOKITAZAWA HILLS – Shimokitazawa, Tokyo. The summer of the American hipster. Blacky oversized chunky Williamsburger glasses leap from face to face, sucking all the shopping value out of a young Japonaise girl’s face and replacing it with…Ugly Betty!
Espresso, Lattes, Rats!
New TOEIC Test to Include Pillow Talk
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As you know many foreign man has come to Japan the purpose of which is to sex Japanese woman. At English conversational school and so on such seduction has become aplenty. Inside cube area such foreigners “teach” English to potential Japanese mate. One of such tests of conversational English is the many-feared TOEIC (Teach English I Can’t Take) test of English.
The new TOEIC test will include pillow talk.
Posted in Japan
Tagged bb fun corp, english prison, Japan, japanese daily life, new toic test, obama, ohashi jozu, pillow talk, ray goolens, starbucks, teach english in japan, the brutal times, toic test, tokyo
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Nice Guy Turns Out to Be a Dick
Special to The Brutal Times, By Tammy Glynne, TAMPA – Finally, after years of searching, I thought I’d met the perfect mate – Brad Jackson, 25, great body, hair on his head a big fat bank account.
Heck, he even threw the occasional compliment my way.
“Babe, you’ve got great tits,” he said one day by the pool.
I thought he was such a nice guy.
Google Alert for Obama: North Korea Trying to Start a Big Fucking War
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Dear President-elect Obama/To Whom it May Concern, It’s great you became the president. I’m looking forward visiting your country some day when I get a free time.
By the way, did you know – North Korea is trying to start a big fucking war with Japan.
Who Declares Flu a Pandemic
By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – Roger Waters and Pete Townshend of The Who declared swine flu “a pandemic” today at an historic concert/lecture given by the two towering talents at New York’s fantastic United Nations.
Posted in Sick Bay
Tagged dj salinger, doomsday, global recession, gloom, health advisories, Japan, ozzy, ozzy osbourne, pandemic, pete townshend, roger waters, Sick Bay, the brutal times, the who, trains
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A Brutal Guide to Shimokitazawa 2: Lunching
By Grande Chef Otto, Tokyo, SHIMOKITAZAWA – I know I know, you’re all shaking your collective headbanging heads wondering why I’d go and do such a crazy thing.
Eat out in Shimokitazawa.
Well I was hungry.
Smorgasborg: The Gastronomic Cyborg
By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO – Japan has shown China it is superior once again with Japanese technology giant BB FunCorp’s unveiling of Smorgasborg, the Gastronomic Cyborg yesterday at Denny’s.
Many weaklings in the audience vomited profusely when the saw the dishes Smorgas, had made.
Posted in Exclusive!, Japan, Stories For Bottoms
Tagged bb funcorp, cooking, cyborgs, dennys, Grande Chef Otto, Japan, japanese food, japanese robots, robots, smorgasborg
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Japan Gives Iran 9 Volcanoes
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Just as Barack Obama America’s first black president has offered Iran “a new day” via his personal VHS videotape message to Iran’s president Saddam Hussein, Japan, the world’s second superpower is giving Iran nine volcanoes on Tuesday.
“Japan, one of our most ah steadfast uh allies – in the fight to ah, to really get things turned around over there ah in Iran, has ah to the best of our knowledge, ah promised to deliver those volcanoes before breakfast to ah Mr Hussein,” Mr Obama commented via his Blackberry text machine.
Posted in Iraq, Japan
Tagged barack obama, black berry, iran, iran-us relations, Japan, ohashi jozu, Presidential Daily Brief, saddam hussein, the brutal times, vhs, volcano, volcanoes
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Roppongi is a ‘Sausagefest’ Declares Tokyo Mayor
By Ohashi Jozu, Roppongi, TOKYO – As you know many foreigners had come to Tokyo. The purpose of this travel is well-known – it is to sex Japanese female. Every year so many foreign man came to Tokyo with all-night backpack seeking to enjoy such activity.
But no more.