Warm Topic Archives: Japan

Espresso, Lattes, Rats!


By Ohashi Jozo, SHIMOKITAZAWA HILLS – Shimokitazawa, Tokyo. The summer of the American hipster. Blacky oversized chunky Williamsburger glasses leap from face to face, sucking all the shopping value out of a young Japonaise girl’s face and replacing it with…Ugly Betty!

Espresso, Lattes, Rats!

Posted in Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

New TOEIC Test to Include Pillow Talk


By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As you know many foreign man has come to Japan the purpose of which is to sex Japanese woman. At English conversational school and so on such seduction has become aplenty. Inside cube area such foreigners “teach” English to potential Japanese mate. One of such tests of conversational English is the many-feared TOEIC (Teach English I Can’t Take) test of English.

The new TOEIC test will include pillow talk.

Posted in Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Nice Guy Turns Out to Be a Dick


Special to The Brutal Times, By Tammy Glynne, TAMPA – Finally, after years of searching, I thought I’d met the perfect mate – Brad Jackson, 25, great body, hair on his head a big fat bank account.

Heck, he even threw the occasional compliment my way.

“Babe, you’ve got great tits,” he said one day by the pool.

I thought he was such a nice guy.

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Google Alert for Obama:North Korea Trying to Start a Big Fucking War


By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Dear President-elect Obama/To Whom it May Concern, It’s great you became the president. I’m looking forward visiting your country some day when I get a free time.

By the way, did you know – North Korea is trying to start a big fucking war with Japan.

Posted in Japan, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Who Declares Flu a Pandemic


By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – Roger Waters and Pete Townshend of The Who declared swine flu “a pandemic” today at an historic concert/lecture given by the two towering talents at New York’s fantastic United Nations.

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A Brutal Guide to Shimokitazawa 2: Lunching


By Grande Chef Otto, Tokyo, SHIMOKITAZAWA – I know I know, you’re all shaking your collective headbanging heads wondering why I’d go and do such a crazy thing.

Eat out in Shimokitazawa.

Well I was hungry.

Posted in Grande Chef Otto, Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Smorgasborg: The Gastronomic Cyborg


By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO – Japan has shown China it is superior once again with Japanese technology giant BB FunCorp’s unveiling of Smorgasborg, the Gastronomic Cyborg yesterday at Denny’s.

Many weaklings in the audience vomited profusely when the saw the dishes Smorgas, had made.

Posted in Exclusive!, Japan, Stories For Bottoms | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Japan Gives Iran 9 Volcanoes


By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Just as Barack Obama America’s first black president has offered Iran “a new day” via his personal VHS videotape message to Iran’s president Saddam Hussein, Japan, the world’s second superpower is giving Iran nine volcanoes on Tuesday.

“Japan, one of our most ah steadfast uh allies – in the fight to ah, to really get things turned around over there ah in Iran, has ah to the best of our knowledge, ah promised to deliver those volcanoes before breakfast to ah Mr Hussein,” Mr Obama commented via his Blackberry text machine.

Posted in Iraq, Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

U2 = SoftBank: New CD Promotes Japanese Cell Phones


www.thebrutaltimes.com, By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – The new U2 album has debuted in Japan with some copies featuring a sticker on the front jacket of a grey equal sign logo (=) dead center.


Ubiquitous Japanese cell phone giant SoftBank uses the exact same logo as their logo.

Posted in Japan, Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

Roppongi is a ‘Sausagefest’ Declares Tokyo Mayor


By Ohashi Jozu, Roppongi, TOKYO – As you know many foreigners had come to Tokyo. The purpose of this travel is well-known – it is to sex Japanese female. Every year so many foreign man came to Tokyo with all-night backpack seeking to enjoy such activity.

But no more.

Posted in Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment