Warm Topic Archives: the serge

Straight Man To Play Gay Man in Movie

robert-schumann

By The Serge, HOLLYWOOD NORTH – Movie fans are famous for complaining that the producers of Hollywood’s biggest films have long since run out of ideas, but as the major studios get ready to battle at the box office this Halloween they may do well to hold onto their tongues and get ready for an explosion of creative juices, the likes the silver screen has never seen before.

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Many Misspell ‘Yemen’ as ‘Semen’ when Sexting

yemen

By Daemon Mailer, YEMEN – Tempers flared again Saturday as further details emerged showing growing numbers of teenagers, baby-boomers and seniors are constantly mispelling ‘Yemen’ as ‘Semen’ when sexting.

“I think it’s bloody ridiculous” ejaculated Troy Underwood, 23, who is vacationing in Yemen with his mother and her pet. “When I was in school, the sensei would whip us blind if we dared engage in such foolery,” he went on, attracting a small crowd.

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Most Parties Bad, Study Shows

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By The Serge, LOS ANGELES – Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies released what amounts to a 35-year landmark study on parties, “Parties: a Study”, today at Denny’s.

The result?

Most parties are bad.

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Anonymous Found Dead

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By The Serge, PARIS – This famous French city is being shock-rocked this morning as town criers shriek the news that the world’s most famous recluse has died.

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Dust Mite Circus Linked to Migraines

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By The Serge, MONTREAL – Canada’s famed dust mite circus, Le Cirque du Dust Mite, has suffered a crushing blow today as a landmark Icelandic study has found proof viewing the talented mites can be linked to intense migraine headaches in audience members.

The migraines last for up to 40 years.

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Interview Schminterbiew

By Ghazala Khan (Special to The Brutal Times) TOKYO -

The following interview was conducted by Ghazala Khan of The Pakistani Spectator. It recalls a friendlier, more innocent time when staff members of The Brutal Times could casually gather around the fried chicken dispensor in the BT offices at Shimokitazawa Hills. A time when birds chirped, but not too loudly. Before the layoffs and the name-calling. Two weeks ago.

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Obama: “Our Balls Are To The Wall”

By The Serge, WASHINGTON – An estimated two million people braved freezing temps to hear 44th president of the United States Barack Obama be sworn into office in this snow-covered city yesterday. And most of ‘em stuck around for a little while after to hear him deliver his first speech as America’s new commander-in-chief.

“These are trying times,” Obama began as onlookers shouted and hollered in agreement. “Our balls are to the wall,” he went on.

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Obama Inauguration Spoiler: ‘I’m Celibate’

By The Serge, WASHINGTON – President-elect Barack Obama is poised to reveal a new direction for America just days from now.

Among the prominent speaking points in Mr Obama’s inauguration speech will be his official announcement of his celibacy,The Brutal Times has learned.

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Chinese Democracy Bail-out to Cost $986 Billion

As details of the Democrats’ 1 trillion dollar budget request continue to leak out the president-elect has been mulling the final touches of what amounts to the priciest financial bail-out plan made in US political history.

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Senator…Madonna? New Yorkers Want Material Girl to Run

As CNN persists in its coverage of that boring Gaza invasion by Israel, center of the Earth, New York City is all hopped up and ready over what everyone here all ready knows is really 2009′s top story: the effort to draft Madonna as New York’s new senator.

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