By The Serge, MONTREAL – Canada’s famed dust mite circus, Le Cirque du Dust Mite, has suffered a crushing blow today as a landmark Icelandic study has found proof viewing the talented mites can be linked to intense migraine headaches in audience members.
The migraines last for up to 40 years.
Cirque du DM’s founder Bruno Tellaire, 46, who is unshaven, uttered unprintable French Canadian curse words in response.
Chief legal counsel for Dust Mite Migraine Sufferers or DUMB, Veal McDougall III hailed the Icelandic study as “a watershed – not only is it a judgment in my clients’ favor, but also it’s a rollicking good read; a red-hot white-knuckle roller coaster ride of a report says Rex Reed,” he went on.
But what about the children? Those who patiently itched and scratched their savings away to but the $468.97 Canadian dollar advance tickets to this May’s now-canceled Mighty Mite Dust Mite performance in Quebec City? Are their rights to be ignored, flushed down the can and into our drinking water?
Cock Blocker, Canada’s awkward daffy prime minister doesn’t think so.
“No, I don’t think so,” he said.
Migraines affect 1 in 2 people every second of every day everywhere. Almost all of these people have attended the Dust Mite Circus.
“I don’t care about them,” Francoise Mitterand, a veteran mite trainer quipped. “They can piss off,” he went on.
How do the mites feel about it? Are they covered by some sort of lucrative insurance scheme?
They’re so hard to see and most of them don’t talk to the press so I gave up.
Still, if I put myself in their mite shoes I think I would just move on and set up my own business, selling cakes or teaching New York English to Japanese exchange students.
Best not to hold a grudge, right?