Author Archives: the serge

About the serge

Channeling Pascal (The source of all man's misfortune is his inability to stay in his room) the serge confides, "In my day, we didn't call them love hotels - we called them sex hotels." Begging the question, Vuvuzela avec moi, ce soir?, BT readers get so much pleasure out of his columns they...ought to be punished.

Nameless Drifters Face Housing Shortage

By The Serge, TORONTO – Once again, flying in the face of everything, the upper crust is deeming to dump on, er, the lower crust. Case in point, according to a landmark study issued by prestigious Carribean think tank MyGoodies, […]

Posted in Exclusive!

Doubt is a Ballbreaker & Most are Filled with Crushing Loneliness: Study

By Ray Goolens, THE ATTIC – Doubt is a ballbreaker and most folks are filled with a crushing loneliness, according to a landmark Tweet, issued by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies this morning.

Posted in Ordinary People

Who’ll be Canada’s next Cock Blocker?: Master Debate Director’s Cut

By The Serge, TORONTO – U.S. President Barack Obama must have been kicking himself yesterday for his poorly-timed announcement celebrating the capture of terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden. TV and Internet viewers quickly cut away from Obama’s speech last night to watch previously unreleased highlights of Canaduh’s federal election master debate, held…maybe last week sometime. The master debate heavily factors in to most Canadians decision to elect the tiny country’s next leader, known traditionally by the honorific, “Cock Blocker”.

Posted in Canaduh

Copycat Quakes Condemned

By Smia Oots, NEW YORK CITY – Prestigious U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon has condemned, and is condemning, any country’s attempt to copy or illegally distribute Japan’s massive March 9.0 magnitude earthquake.

Posted in Japan

Straight Man To Play Gay Man in Movie

By The Serge, HOLLYWOOD NORTH – Movie fans are famous for complaining that the producers of Hollywood’s biggest films have long since run out of ideas, but as the major studios get ready to battle at the box office this Halloween they may do well to hold onto their tongues and get ready for an explosion of creative juices, the likes the silver screen has never seen before.

Posted in Hollywood Pap

Most Parties Bad, Study Shows

By The Serge, LOS ANGELES – Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies released what amounts to a 35-year landmark study on parties, “Parties: a Study”, today at Denny’s.

The result?

Most parties are bad.

Posted in Disco Island

Anonymous Found Dead

By The Serge, PARIS – This famous French city is being shock-rocked this morning as town criers shriek the news that the world’s most famous recluse has died.

Posted in Bookmobile

Dust Mite Circus Linked to Migraines

By The Serge, MONTREAL – Canada’s famed dust mite circus, Le Cirque du Dust Mite, has suffered a crushing blow today as a landmark Icelandic study has found proof viewing the talented mites can be linked to intense migraine headaches in audience members.

The migraines last for up to 40 years.

Posted in Canaduh

U.S. TV Networks Leaving Iraq

By The Serge, Sadr City, IRAQ – After 5 years of popular US shows being written, produced and directed in this magnificent mountainous country all but one of the major US tv networks has admitted it has plans to pull the plug on its studio facilities here before the end of 2009.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Iraq

State Of The Union Spoiler: Iraq War ‘Ironic’ Bush Says

By the serge, WASHINGTON (The Brutal Times) – In advance copies of tonight’s State of the Union address obtained by The Brutal Times, President George W Bush reveals his 2003 plan to invade Iraq was “ironic,” and insists that he […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief