Nameless Drifters Face Housing Shortage

By The Serge, TORONTO – Once again, flying in the face of everything, the upper crust is deeming to dump on, er, the lower crust. Case in point, according to a landmark study issued by prestigious Carribean think tank MyGoodies, nameless drifters face a housing shortage like never before.

“Oh, dude, if you’re thinking for one minute of giving up your plush corner office and striking out as a nameless drifter…um, don’t,” chimed a nameless drifter, who refused to be named in this article, or, basically anywhere?

He/she/it is not alone.

“When I refused to sign the Hilton hotel register, they wouldn’t accept me as a guest,” another unnamed source said Sunday. “Basically, we live in a totalitarian state.”

Quite so, bro’. Quite so.

Is there stuff we can do about it?

“Nameless drifters have always and will always face discrimination,” said pert Canadian model, Undo, 58. “In the Sixties, I partied with tons of ND’s and it was sooo cool,” she went on.

Aren’t you a little too young for the Sixties?

“I’m 58.”

Exactly, so you would’ve been like..

“15, yes. I drank illegally, and shot narcotics in my veins.”

I think if you do the math, it’s not actually 15.”

“No, it’s 15.”

Yeah, I dunno. But anyway, that’s too young to have been doing any of that stuff.

“Oh, darling…”

What? Why are you laughing?

“When did you have your first drink of alcohol?

Me? Uh…well, I don’t see how it’s really relevant…

“So. You were never in with the in-crowd.”

Listen…

“And you tell yourself you weren’t missing out.”

Hey…

“You amuse me very much.”

Yeah.

“The Internet is populated with people like you – too boring to ever go out.”

OK, OK, point taken, let’s get back to nameless drifters.

“If you like them so much, why don’t you marry them?”

Maybe because…I don’t want to spend the rest of my life sitting round the breakfast table literally guessing the name of the person sitting across from me.

“But we can never know the interior lives of a stranger.”

Christ.

“I will introduce you to ten nameless drifters at a soiree tonight at 7. Take my dare – marry one of them, it doesn’t matter who, obviously.”

Obviously.

“Well…will you do it?”

Oh, all right.

Why are you laughing?

About the serge

Channeling Pascal (The source of all man's misfortune is his inability to stay in his room) the serge confides, "In my day, we didn't call them love hotels - we called them sex hotels." Begging the question, Vuvuzela avec moi, ce soir?, BT readers get so much pleasure out of his columns they...ought to be punished.
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3 Responses to Nameless Drifters Face Housing Shortage

  1. pepperonchino says:

    You’re telling me I should care about this, BT? in a time of war and high prices and its winter even? Oh, boy.

  2. link zingmann says:

    we don’t live in a totalitarian state, OK? if we did, we’d be so controlled we wouldn’t even be able to know we were so controlled!

  3. lisa2 says:

    Mmmm…not clear on the point of this article, Serge. And are you really serious – you go around calling yourself The Serge – sorry – the serge? I guess you want people to whisper your name or something, since you write it all in lowercase…pathetic…

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