Warm Topic Archives: styles cradgerock

Trump wrote anonymous NYT op-ed

By The Brutal Times, NEW YORK – As White House officials including Vice President Mike Pence raced to deny they authored an anonymous  op-ed published Wednesday in The New York Times, whose writer claims to be part of a “resistance” inside U.S. President Donald Trump’s  inner circle in the administration, The Brutal Times has learned the true identity of the official behind the piece.

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Obama Romney Presidential Debate: The Director’s Cut

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Jim, can they – can the American people hear us right now?
MR. LEHRER: What is the difference?
MR. ROMNEY: Well —
MR. LEHRER: Let’s just say they can see your arms flapping around but they have no idea what you’re saying.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Why Try Harder?: 2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate 8 Spoilers

By Styles Cradgerock,Florida, ORLANDO- Who’d want to go and sit through another Republican 2012 Presidential Master Debate? But with The Serge off sick and Barry Husein confined to his room I drew the short straw and jetted off from Tokyo to sunny Orlando, Florida to sleep through most of it, the 7th Republican Master Debate in as many weeks.

Posted in Exclusive! | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate Director’s Cut

The following is a Director’s Cut of the 2012 Republican presidential debate on Sept. 7, 2011, in Simi Valley, Calif., as corrected by The Brutal Times.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Ratko Mladic Changing His Name to Rick?

By Styles Cradgerock, THE HAGUE – The Hague’s newest catch, accused war criminal and Serbian general Ratko Mladic shocked followers on Twitter when he tweeted today:

“I’m thinking of changing my name…to Rick or…maybe Slobodan.”

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Obama’s Bin Laden is Dead Speech: The Director’s Cut

By Styles Cradgerock,WASHINGTON – Vital edutainment from U.S. President Barack Obama’s speech last night, confirming the death of Osama bin Laden was accidentally left on the White House cutting room floor, The Brutal Times has learned. The following is a Director’s Cut of the entire speech, with the president’s original 2008 campaign personality faithfully reassembled by fans old enough to remember.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Exclusive: Michael Ignatieff Was Born in Guam

By Styles Cradgerock, GUAM – Overshadowing Japan’s recent magnitude 9.0 earthquake and the U.S. Libyan humanitarian intervention, Canaduh’s 2011 federal election racheted up this morning when Billy, my neighbor and confidante, passed on something he had heard from someone.

Michael Ignatieff was born in Guam.

Posted in Canaduh | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Iraq War Was “an Hoax” New Bush Book Says

Iraq war was 'An Hoax'

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Boy, how the times have changed. Back in 2003, I was just another fresh face with chronic stomach pain trying to land an unpaid job at The Brutal Times when it was just a weekly free box of tissues handed out at my local car was and yet another young guy by the name of George W. Bush was just revving up to land a whopping kick on Middle East henchman Saddam Hussein’s kaboose.

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Hillary Clinton Announces 2112 Presidential Run

By Styles Cradgerock, TEXAS – Hot on the heels of the crushing body blow delivered to the U.S. President, the American Barack Obama by his party’s mid-term election upset, the question on everybody’s chapped lips is, “Will she run?” (“she” being Hillary, and “run” being for Mr. Obama’s current jobbie as leader of the free world).

Town criers and barely able to function baristas peppered Mrs. Clinton, whom also goes by the nom de plume Hillary, with questions about her height, favorite foods, and iPod contents.

“How about in 2016?” pressed Brutal Times intern Pfaff Onclear, 15, in between bites of a chicken falafel.

Posted in Stories For Bottoms | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Hold the Lettuce: Afghan War Spoilers!

By Styles Cradgerock, YOUR MOMMA – Yes, thundercat! Weekend war watchers all over the world (Florida?) are pee-oh’d this morning to find that WikiLeaks has leaked a whole slewload of spoilers aspoiling how the bumpin’ Afghan intervention is gonna end

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment