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Warm Topic Archives: styles cradgerock
Hillary Clinton Announces 2112 Presidential Run
By Styles Cradgerock, TEXAS – Hot on the heels of the crushing body blow delivered to the U.S. President, the American Barack Obama by his party’s mid-term election upset, the question on everybody’s chapped lips is, “Will she run?” (“she” being Hillary, and “run” being for Mr. Obama’s current jobbie as leader of the free world).
Town criers and barely able to function baristas peppered Mrs. Clinton, whom also goes by the nom de plume Hillary, with questions about her height, favorite foods, and iPod contents.
“How about in 2016?” pressed Brutal Times intern Pfaff Onclear, 15, in between bites of a chicken falafel.
Hold the Lettuce: Afghan War Spoilers!
By Styles Cradgerock, YOUR MOMMA – Yes, thundercat! Weekend war watchers all over the world (Florida?) are pee-oh’d this morning to find that WikiLeaks has leaked a whole slewload of spoilers aspoiling how the bumpin’ Afghan intervention is gonna end
Jan Brewer is Dehydrated
By Styles Cradegerock, WASHINGTON – U.S. President, the American Barack Obama, sat down with Arizona Governor Jan Brewer recently and noticed alarming signs of dyhydration in her face.
“Evian?” he quipped.
“She needs to stay out of the sun, get a big floppy hat and moisturize, moisturize, moisturize,” he went on.
Obama said he understood the governor’s dehydration problem as he “personally struggled with dehydration myself” as a child.
“I..didn’t..get enough water,” he kept talking.
North Korea Accused of Snubbing South at Trendy Cafe
By Styles Cradgerock, SEOUL – People’ve got a tear in their beer over here as former buddies North and South Korea have ceased speaking, emailing , or chatting online. Oh no. Hot sweaty tensions were ratched up and ramped up […]
CNN & Yahoo Tie for Best 2009 Cute Pet Stories
By Styles Cradgerock, LOS ANGELES – As 2009 dies the horrible death it deserves all of Hollywood is saluting global media giants CNN and Yahoo for delivering the year’s most cutting-edge in-your-face cute pet stories.
In previous years – 2008, 2007 and so on, cute pet stories tended to be eclipsed by political coverage, current events, business news and so on.
But God said from now on, “Let it be otherwise”.
Iran’s Warheads Win Prestigious Design Award
By Styles Cradgerock, IKEA – This thriving, bustling hustling country of 35 million yey-high design mavens and vixens is known been known worldwide as a hotbed of design ever since its yeh-high founder Kronkite Basta, 34 assembled it out of a box and drew oohs and ahs from those standing about.
With IKEA’s 17th annual Basta design awards lurking ahead next Sunday morning at dawn, a disgruntled unpaid intern has leaked news of this year’s winner for Best Nuclear Warhead Design, 2009.
Iranian Unrest Threatens Air Miles
By Styles Cradgerock, DETROIT – As you know we’re all connected by the globalization. And so the unrest in Iran is threatening our air miles.
Accidental Airlines, one of America’s premier low budget fliers says millions, maybe zillions of miles may not be honored or waved entirely due to the crisis.
Posted in Iraq
Tagged accidental airlines, air miles, iran, iran election, saddam hussein, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, thingy, unrest
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Bin Laden Nixes Blu-Ray, Opts for VHS
By Styles Cradgerock, 177 Dusty Meadow Road, PAKISTAN – Classic War on Terror action figure and actual mass murderer Osama bin Laden is alienating younger followers this morning in his hideout with news that “all 2009 al Qaeda videos will be issued on VHS only”.
Nooooooo.