Warm Topic Archives: osama bin laden

Who’ll be Canada’s next Cock Blocker?: Master Debate Director’s Cut

May 2, 2011
family

By The Serge, TORONTO – U.S. President Barack Obama must have been kicking himself yesterday for his poorly-timed announcement celebrating the capture of terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden. TV and Internet viewers quickly cut away from Obama’s speech last night to watch previously unreleased highlights of Canaduh’s federal election master debate, held…maybe last week sometime. The master debate heavily factors in to most Canadians decision to elect the tiny country’s next leader, known traditionally by the honorific, “Cock Blocker”.

Posted in Canaduh | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Obama’s Bin Laden is Dead Speech: The Director’s Cut

obama-2-bin-laden-speech

By Styles Cradgerock,WASHINGTON – Vital edutainment from U.S. President Barack Obama’s speech last night, confirming the death of Osama bin Laden was accidentally left on the White House cutting room floor, The Brutal Times has learned. The following is a Director’s Cut of the entire speech, with the president’s original 2008 campaign personality faithfully reassembled by fans old enough to remember.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

500-year-old Book is Really Boring

April 25, 2011
500-year-old book

By El Toro, PITTSBURGH – A 500-year-old book somebody found here the other day is really boring sources are telling the Brutal Times this morning.

“I didn’t even open the book – just looking at it made me drool all over myself,”

Posted in Highlighted Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bin Laden Nixes Blu-Ray, Opts for VHS

March 14, 2009
photo-vhs

By Styles Cradgerock, 177 Dusty Meadow Road, PAKISTAN – Classic War on Terror action figure and actual mass murderer Osama bin Laden is alienating younger followers this morning in his hideout with news that “all 2009 al Qaeda videos will be issued on VHS only”.

Nooooooo.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bin Laden: Al Qaeda to Cut Part-Timers, Close Schools

January 14, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, with Minx Cradgerock , PARIS – As hard times are felt all across the globe due to the worsening of the financial crisis everyone is looking for ways to pinch pennies and froog to the new frugal beat of 2009.

Duh.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

11 Year-old: “Obama plus Biden Spells Bin Laden”

August 30, 2008

As Barrack Obama’s throngs of gyrating bikini-clad supporters are just coming to terms with his formal renunciation of his decision Thursday to select his wife of eighteen years Michelle Obama as vice-presidential running mate, a new shocker is shock-rocking this seaside mountain villa.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Librarians Threaten National Security

March 23, 2008

  By Marshall Stack (NEW YORK CITY) -At the Pinecrest Public Libary in Quikton, things just aren’t the same. Gone are the boisterous crowds of youngsters eager to chew the fat in low whispers about their favorite scribes. No longer [...]

Posted in Bookmobile | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments