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Warm Topic Archives: cock blocker
Boring
By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.
Arcade Fire.
Twitter.
Your iPhone.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged afghanistan, arcade fire, atom egoyan, avril, Ban Ki-moon, bars, beer, ben folds, bill clinton, boring, china, cocaine, cock blocker, dr.dre, egypt, eminem, england, facebook, green day, h&m, hillary hot rodham clinton, hole, iphone, iran, james cameron, japanese tv celebs, john mccain, kid rock, madonna, michael moore, mohammed el baradei, obama, oliver stone, radiohead, REM, rihanna, smia oots, snoop dogg, social networking, sting, sum 41, the british royal family, the brutal times, the foo fighters, the japanese royal family, the onion, the pixies, the simpsons, tokyo, tony blair, twitter, U2, vice magazine, wilco minus jay, williamsburg
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‘I Went Camping with Axl Rose’ Cock Blocker Insists
By Cock Blocker, Honorable Prime Minister du Canada, Special to The Brutal Times, Tender Foot Provincial Park, Northern Ont. CANADA –
So, seriously I know it was him!
I prefer to camp alone because my job is shit and my wife’s a bitch and she hates camping. I like to come out as soon as the locks thaw out enough to get the doors open.
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged axl rose, camping, canada, cock blocker, cockblocker, guns n roses, the brutal times
1 Comment
Madonna Wants to Adopt a Canadian
By DJ Salinger, TORONTO – Charismatic wall of spunk Canadian Prime Minister Cock Blocker is preparing Team Blocker to deal with Madonna over her rumored plans to adopt a Canadian before summer’s end.
“Le priminister du Canada, Monseiur Cocque Blocquer will not permit such a thing to happen without much money flowing into his secret pants pocket,” insisted Remy LeFontaine, 12.
Dust Mite Circus Linked to Migraines
By The Serge, MONTREAL – Canada’s famed dust mite circus, Le Cirque du Dust Mite, has suffered a crushing blow today as a landmark Icelandic study has found proof viewing the talented mites can be linked to intense migraine headaches in audience members.
The migraines last for up to 40 years.
Posted in Canaduh
Tagged canada, canada's drinking water, Canaduh, cock blocker, dust mite circus, dust mites, headaches, lawsuits, migraines, montreal, new york english, the brutal times, the serge
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Shocker: You Can See a Girl’s Ass with Low Rider Jeans
By Smia Oots, NEW YORK CITY – Warning: Portions of this article are unfit for those adverse to being shock-rocked. Make sure you’re sitting down before continuing further.
Ready?
Millions of pairs of popular low rider jeans like the type Britney Spears wears are being recalled due to the shocking revelation that the jeans reveal large portions of the wearer’s ass to the viewing public.
Posted in Schadenfreude
Tagged ass crack, britney spears, canada, cock blocker, joaquin phoenix, low rider jeans, mygoodies, schadenfreude, smia oots, the brutal times
1 Comment
Friday the 13th: the Book Was Better
By Shane Butter, TOKYO – Oh god, how I was so looking forward to the new Friday the 13th movie. I read the book last summer during reading week as a break from grading my philosophy grad student papers, and when I heard they were gonna make a movie outta the thing I pooped my pants!
Posted in Stories For Bottoms
Tagged canada's barack obama, cock blocker, crow's feet, friday the 13th, friday the 13th 2009, horror movies, jack black, jason voorhees, laugh lines, machete, maldives, michael bay, pulitzer prize-winners, sake, stephen harper, sushi, the book was better, the brutal times, tokyo
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1979 Commission Rules ‘Punk’s not Dead’
By DJ Salinger, WASHINGTON – Music fans around the globe are rejoicing in news that one of rock’s most treasured genres – that of “punk rock” has been officially declared “very much alive” by a bi-partisan Congressional Commission which had been studying the issue on weekends since 1983.