Delicious Topping

Thinking Man’s Rock

Do you have to be taught…how to rock? I dunno, but the thing is DJ Salinger, the recluse on the loose at The Brutal Times is thinking deeper than any man woman or manwomanandchild combo aboot le rock, le roll, le blues, le clasic, le hip du hop etc. Why listen to him? Don’t. Listen to his hands. Bumping.

Jean Claude Van Damme To Join Van Halen

December 4, 2012 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, PARIS – Ah, Paris! Paris in the spring. What can one say about Paris? Only, it isn’t spring, and so far, to be be frank, almost all that’s been written about this golden city on the Seine is unreadable.

Unless you speak French.

Radiohead Change Name to Videohead

July 15, 2012 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, LONDON – As London gets ready for the Olympics, shoppers were shocked to learn that long-time fellow Londoners and Deepresso artists, Radiohead will change their name to time with the August Opening Ceremony.

“Yeah, we’re changing our name to Videohead,”

New Brahms Album Spoilers Rock Cafe Society

June 2, 2011 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, BERLIN – Say the name Brahms and what comes to mind? Brahms, probably. But for die hard Brahms fans, the name Brahms has become synonymous with some of the world’s filthiest curse words.

Know why?

Brahms hasn’t put out an album since 1897.

Frankenband Spring: Billy Corgan Quits Smashing Pumpkins

April 27, 2011 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, DEMOCRATIC PEOPLES’ REPUBLIC OF IKEA – Billy Corgan, founding father of Green Day and the Smashing Pumpkins, quit the Smashing Pumpkins yesterday, after fans complained the band’s Ikea performance was “about as exciting as waiting for a bus.”

Nothing Sounds Better than a Great MP3

November 4, 2010 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – Nothing sounds better than a great mp3. Am I right? The Japanese discovered this back in the ’80’s, when they discovered America, but now even the biggest losers are dumping their sad sack vinyl collections in the river and wearing their CDs instead of playing them.

Good for them!

Paul: “Beatles Were an Hoax”

October 19, 2010 by DJ Salinger

By D.J. Salinger, BALTIMORE – Wiping his hands on the brim of his skintight jeans, Beatles’s front man Paul McCartney shocked a bunch of loitering black bloc anarchists patiently waiting for a bus, when he whispered at them, “I’ve got something that’ll really flip your lids, lads – The Beatles were an hoax.”

The Geddy Leesa “Lost, Missing or Stolen”

August 26, 2010 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, THE LOUVRE – Some people are caring this morning, as the prog rock art world’s most valuable sparkly treasure, the Geddy Leesa, has been reported lost, missing or stolen by its troll minder.

Led Zeppelin Form Led Zeppelin Cover Band

August 13, 2010 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, LAS VEGAS – In a shockingly awesome turn of events, after months (years?) of extended refusal on the part of Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant to rejoin the band, remaining Zeppelin members Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones finally figured out a way to sort of change his mind.

Madonna is Old

January 11, 2010 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – A growing body of experts and everyday people – a hodgepodge of scientists, spoilt academics and eveyday stereomoms, whathaveyou, say Madonna “is old”.

“It’s irrefutable,” ejaculated Kenny Habh, 9, who has studied Madonna since he was 5. “Her face looks like takoyaki.” (‘Takoyaki’ is Japanese for ‘octopus pancake’.)

Noel Gallagher Quits Oasis, China Says

January 10, 2010 by DJ Salinger

By DJ Salinger, SHANGHAI – China’s official news service (China’s Official News Service) is reporting this morning that British pop singing sensation Noel Gallagher may have quit Oasis, the world’s most popular shock-rock combo since The Beatles.

“Mr Noel doesn’t like his brother, and wants to experience a middling solo career apart from him (the brother),” said Dan Hartwig, spokesperson for CONS. “It’s just like when Paul quit The Beatles,” he speculated wildly.

Angry fans turned over cars and houses

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