Conversational Gold - The Brutal Times
Delicious Topping

Thinking Man’s Rock

Do you have to be taught…how to rock? I dunno, but the thing is DJ Salinger, the recluse on the loose at The Brutal Times is thinking deeper than any man woman or manwomanandchild combo aboot le rock, le roll, le blues, le clasic, le hip du hop etc. Why listen to him? Don’t. Listen to his hands. Bumping.

Guns N’ Roses Tour Began 2 Years Ago – Minus Axl

By DJ Salinger, TAMPA – Troubling signs that the band formerly known as Guns N’ Roses (the group officially changed their name to N’ earlier this year) mistakenly began the worldwide tour for their semen release album “Chinese Democracy” minus lead singer Axl Rose continue to pop up online.

Number of Female Death Metal Fans Drops

By DJ Salinger, BAFFIN ISLAND – With windchill temperatures here at already -89C and folks on this sparsely-decorated backward island nation clutching their nether regions with a rabid ferocity just to keep alive, the basic human desire for good news is at an all-time high.

They’re gonna have to wait.

Less is More in Beatles Box

By DJ Salinger, LAS VEGAS – Finally, after sweating through the long wait of three months since the last Beatles album was released we can get our rocks off with the just-released 150 album box set which contains all of the lads’ 18,0981 songs (minus the baggage of all those John Lennon and George Harrison tracks which dogged down much of the earlier compilation best boxes).

“Yeah, we finally figured out what was missing with the earlier 569808 best of Beatles releases,” said long-time Beatles producer and confidante George Martin, from his villa in sunny Las Vegas, Sunday, “those fucking Harrison and Lennon songs,”

Why The Beatles Broke Up

By DJ Salinger, LAS VEGAS – I met Ringo in a bar. He told me why The Beatles broke up:

“I was bored, basically.”

Tomb of the Unknown Session Musician Found Under Phil Spector’s House

By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Despite the general lack of interest, spell-binding stories keep surfacing regarding sensational superstar pop music producer Phil Spector, now imprisoned for murder inside the seaside Sing Sing prison.

Tuesday, a local L.A. lad appeared to have discovered a bottomless tomb under Spector’s mammoth residence/studio.

“I crawled under there looking for my baseball and I think I found a tomb full of unknown session musicians,” the boy, Darryl RJ Dennison, 37, said.

Neil Young Nude Challenges, Disappoints

By DJ Salinger, VERMONT – 517,9876 fans gathered here on the eroding muddy banks of what was once merely a disenchanted unmarried farmer’s spinach farm to hear acts as diverse as Mozart Jr., to Venom and Neil Young (from Canada).

The 167th annual KISSS-FM New Horizons Festa, sponsored by homegrown ristorante Ssh…Kebab, featured special additions to this year’s programme that shocked some.

Neil Young performed nude.

New Fear for Michael:Rock n’ Roll Heaven is ‘Full’

By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, The Notorious B.I.G., Cindi Lauper – all were stars trying to make it in the City of Angels who died trying before they ever got an honest break.

And now added to the list, former Jackson 5 frontman, singing sensation Michael Jackson.

James Brown is Dead, China Says

By DJ Salinger, BEIJING – Early reports coming out of this world-class Olympic city are confirming what the rest of the world has believed to be true for well over a year – that James Brown has died.

Mythical Thom Yorke Comedy Album Found

By DJ Salinger, LONDON – Brits cheered news this morning that the holy grail of Radiohead fans – a lost Thom Yorke stand up comedy triple album, had been found under a box of Kleenex in a Los Angeles record producer’s gated estate.

Rush’s 2112 Estates Mostly Unsold

By DJ Salinger, TORONTO – Coveted Rush 2112 Estates mostly lie empty as people in this super funky fried chicken hipster town are rushing headlong instead towards more affordable housing.

“I really wanted a Rush condo,” said Basil Head, 43 “but I’m rushing headlong instead towards more affordable housing.”

But where, dude?

“In my mother’s basement – it’s got laundry.”