By DJ Salinger, LAS VEGAS – I met Ringo in a bar. He told me why The Beatles broke up:
“I was bored, basically,” he said, “so I quit.”
Ringo got so old now I hardly recognized him – his great big beard, his googling eyes…and that skin that contracts like some kinda boa constrictor on steroids!
He was in my face in the bar all up in my grill.
Then I asked him: “Ringo, why you broke up The Beatles?”
“Already told you,” he said.
Unlike John, Jim and Jessy, he was honest.
Ringo was oft told to “go out and get me a coffee”.
“During that time they recorded “Let it Be”, “Revolver”,”Hot Doggin'” and “Beatles in Your Face”, Ringo says now.
But why tell me now?
“I thought chu asked me,” Ringo said.
“Are you getting bit by mosquitoes?” I asked.
“You?” Ringo asked me.
“Jesus one bit my balls,” I said.
“You wanna go someplace else?” Ringo said.
“Naw,’ts ok,” I said.
“John wanted to join Fleetwood Mac,” Ringo said.
“Naw!” I said.
“Paul wanted to join Boney M,” he went on.
“I don’t know those corporations,” I said.
“Why don’t you look them up on your Rubix iPube?” Ringo said.
“I don’t know what ‘look up’ means,” I said.
“Why you keep sayin’ ‘I said’ after everything you say,” Ringo said.
“Why you keep sayin’ ‘Ringo said’ after eveything you say?” I said.
“Are you asking for a knuckle sand-”
Hitting Ringo with a chair was out of the question so I pointed to the telly and quickly changed the topic. “Say, Ringo, if The Beatles were ever asked to ‘Get Back’ together and go on tv, do you think they’d do it?” I asked.
But Ringo had gone.
I never would get the answer to my question – the question that haunts me and millions of other Beatles’ fans to this day.
I asked the bartender, a young bloke by the name of Bloke, who had just gotten out of prison for downloading a Three Doors Down album, how he liked Vegas.
“How you like Vegas?” I asked.
“Dude it’s an awesome bomb,” he mentioned.
“Oh by the way-” I wayed.
“Did I see which way the Ringo goed?” he parlayed.
“Uh uh,” he nailed the conversation shut.
Or did he?