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Latest Brutality

Think about it. Stuff that happened or people say happened that, uh, happened or was made up, er, lately?

Pence to choose self as 2024 running mate

March 13, 2023 by admin

By Styles Cradgerock, SOUTH OF FRANCE — Former U.S. Vice President Mike Pence surprised an onlooker at Denny’s in Toledo, Ohio when he abruptly tore the napkin from his neck provided to offset damage to his suit from pancakes failing […]

Waiter gave me a wobbly table

November 2, 2022 by admin

By Blair G. Moluba, Special to The Brutal Times, CHICAGO — It’s not easy to find a quiet cafe where you can unwind and catch up on work on your laptop while checking your texts on your phone. So I […]

Study: People look better with their masks on

October 19, 2022 by admin

By Ray Goolens, Special to The Brutal Times,  New York — A landmark study has confirmed what we’ve known all along: People look better in face masks than without them. Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies found that most people were […]

Finally, things are looking up

October 17, 2022 by Styles Cradgerock

By Styles Cradgerock, THE HAGUE – Russian President Vladimir Putin has ended his “special military operation” in Ukraine. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un says he will stop launching missiles and end his nuclear weapons program. Former U.S. President Donald […]

Jan. 6 Committee to store docs at Mar-a-Lago

October 13, 2022 by Styles Cradgerock

  By Styles Cradgerock, PALM BEACH — The committee investigating the deadly insurrection at the U.S. capitol  has decided to accept an offer from former U.S. President Donald Trump to store its evidence against him at his Florida estate, Mar-a-Lago. […]

Brahms shot dead in Paris

September 5, 2022 by admin

By DJ Salinger, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Brahms was shot dead in front of this city’s first Taco Bell  on Friday by a fan who said he was upset at the pianist’s new musical direction and clothes. Police declined to […]

People who look nice are nice

June 6, 2019 by admin

By The Serge, PITTSBURGH – People who look nice are nice, a landmark study by Billy, a tween, has found. ”See that guy over there? That guy with the mustache and the curly hair, with his wife?” The one in […]

Can James Cameron’s Emoticon Save the Silver Screen?

January 20, 2014 by Yves Dropper

By Yves Dropper, HOLLYWOOD- Hollywood, land of long boulevards, sweeping palm trees and ocean views. Keanu Reeves was born here. Underneath one’s feet, the handprints, and yes, even feetprints of a million actors and…oh, forget it. Word here is that […]

Diet Earth: The Earth is Too Fat

June 23, 2012 by Grande Chef Otto

By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Pittsburgh, the corner of the globe. A place where everyone knows your name. A small town. A place where nine out of ten scientists are saying what we’ve all known all along.

MySpace Backing Gaddafi in Social Network War

February 26, 2011 by Daemon Mailer

By Daemon Mailer, Libya, TRIPOLI – Chief executives from classic rock social networking site MySpace met with Libya’s head honcho, Moammar Ghadafi at Denny’s this morning to hash out plans for a “full frontal” assault on rebel bases held by FaceBook and Twitter, the Brutal Times has learned.