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Latest Brutality

Think about it. Stuff that happened or people say happened that, uh, happened or was made up, er, lately?

Can James Cameron’s Emoticon Save the Silver Screen?

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By Yves Dropper, HOLLYWOOD- Hollywood, land of long boulevards, sweeping palm trees and ocean views. Keanu Reeves was born here. Underneath one’s feet, the handprints, and yes, even feetprints of a million actors and…oh, forget it. Word here is that […]

Lip Synching Keeps Lips Looking Young and Alive

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By Petit Rowley, Special to The Brutal Times, DETROIT – “Lip synching keeps lips looking young and alive,” tweeted town tween Tariq Bozzio, 29 and a half, Tuesday.

How the Royals Save Money

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By Business Jesus, LONDON – Ever wonder how the Royals save money?

They don’t.

Jean Claude Van Damme To Join Van Halen

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By DJ Salinger, PARIS – Ah, Paris! Paris in the spring. What can one say about Paris? Only, it isn’t spring, and so far, to be be frank, almost all that’s been written about this golden city on the Seine is unreadable.

Unless you speak French.

Obama Romney Presidential Debate: The Director’s Cut

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PRESIDENT OBAMA: Jim, can they – can the American people hear us right now?
MR. LEHRER: What is the difference?
MR. ROMNEY: Well —
MR. LEHRER: Let’s just say they can see your arms flapping around but they have no idea what you’re saying.

My Feet Hurt

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By Roger Talock, Special to The Brutal Times, MILWAUKEE – My feet hurt.
Know why?
From walkin’ ’round all the time!
Yeah, no, and what’s more is you can’t even bring it up no more.
Feet are killin’ you?
That’s too bad, my boy.
No one wants to give my feet story the time of day.

Until today.

Radiohead Change Name to Videohead

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By DJ Salinger, LONDON – As London gets ready for the Olympics, shoppers were shocked to learn that long-time fellow Londoners and Deepresso artists, Radiohead will change their name to time with the August Opening Ceremony.

“Yeah, we’re changing our name to Videohead,”

Diet Earth: The Earth is Too Fat

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By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Pittsburgh, the corner of the globe. A place where everyone knows your name. A small town. A place where nine out of ten scientists are saying what we’ve all known all along.

Nietzsche’s New Sex Tape!

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By Daemon Mailer, HELSINKI – Internet users breathed a heavy sigh of Internet relief this morning at news that the Obama Administration and governments around the globe will allow German philosopher Nietzsche’s new sex tape to stream a little longer.

One Billion Killer Baby Names!

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By Business Jesus, PARIS – Well, it’s that season again, and everybody’s flummoxed as to what to name their kid? No worries, mate! BT and the folks at home have double-teamed on a new eBook that you can download straight […]