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Latest Brutality

Think about it. Stuff that happened or people say happened that, uh, happened or was made up, er, lately?

Waiter gave me a wobbly table

By Blair G. Moluba, Special to The Brutal Times, CHICAGO — It’s not easy to find a quiet cafe where you can unwind and catch up on work on your laptop while checking your texts on your phone. So I […]

Study: People look better with their masks on

By Ray Goolens, Special to The Brutal Times,  New York — A landmark study has confirmed what we’ve known all along: People look better in face masks than without them. Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies found that most people were […]

Finally, things are looking up

By Styles Cradgerock, THE HAGUE – Russian President Vladimir Putin has ended his “special military operation” in Ukraine. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un says he will stop launching missiles and end his nuclear weapons program. Former U.S. President Donald […]

Jan. 6 Committee to store docs at Mar-a-Lago

  By Styles Cradgerock, PALM BEACH — The committee investigating the deadly insurrection at the U.S. capitol  has decided to accept an offer from former U.S. President Donald Trump to store its evidence against him at his Florida estate, Mar-a-Lago. […]

Brahms shot dead in Paris

By DJ Salinger, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Brahms was shot dead in front of this city’s first Taco Bell  on Friday by a fan who said he was upset at the pianist’s new musical direction and clothes. Police declined to […]

People who look nice are nice

By The Serge, PITTSBURGH – People who look nice are nice, a landmark study by Billy, a tween, has found. ”See that guy over there? That guy with the mustache and the curly hair, with his wife?” The one in […]

Can James Cameron’s Emoticon Save the Silver Screen?

By Yves Dropper, HOLLYWOOD- Hollywood, land of long boulevards, sweeping palm trees and ocean views. Keanu Reeves was born here. Underneath one’s feet, the handprints, and yes, even feetprints of a million actors and…oh, forget it. Word here is that […]

Diet Earth: The Earth is Too Fat

By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Pittsburgh, the corner of the globe. A place where everyone knows your name. A small town. A place where nine out of ten scientists are saying what we’ve all known all along.

MySpace Backing Gaddafi in Social Network War

By Daemon Mailer, Libya, TRIPOLI – Chief executives from classic rock social networking site MySpace met with Libya’s head honcho, Moammar Ghadafi at Denny’s this morning to hash out plans for a “full frontal” assault on rebel bases held by FaceBook and Twitter, the Brutal Times has learned.

Hold the Lettuce: Afghan War Spoilers!

By Styles Cradgerock, YOUR MOMMA – Yes, thundercat! Weekend war watchers all over the world (Florida?) are pee-oh’d this morning to find that WikiLeaks has leaked a whole slewload of spoilers aspoiling how the bumpin’ Afghan intervention is gonna end