Can James Cameron’s Emoticon Save the Silver Screen?

By Yves Dropper, HOLLYWOOD- Hollywood, land of long boulevards, sweeping palm trees and ocean views. Keanu Reeves was born here. Underneath one’s feet, the handprints, and yes, even feetprints of a million actors and…oh, forget it.
Word here is that one of H-Town’s highest flying directors, Avatar auteur James Cameron is readying what may be his finest film yet, and no surprise, it once again stretches the bounds of imagination.
According to the buzz, Cameron has been in talks with Yahoo about producing an animated film based on the Internet giant’s adorable Smileys or Smiley face characters.
“Emoticon is going to overshadow Avatar or anything else anyone has ever done or ever will do,” tweeted Olaf Batt, 40, from his iPhone 3 at 11:05PM while he was driving home on Dustingbrook Ave in a rented car from Avis. Mr Batt’s body temperature at the time was higher than usual, suggesting that he may have a cold coming on.
Emoticons, not to be confused with icons, which are usually celebrities or in the past in some cases, religious figures and their friends, are cute, tiny colored drawings which PC and Mac users stick on their text messages to express their innermost feelings.
“They- for me and my generation, Generation Starbucks, they really, they’re a big part of what we are, who we are,” informed Mallet O’Reilly, 42, a bike courier, at Starbucks.
Is it gonna play to, uh, a younger market?
“What?”
Emoticon. The new James Cameron movie.
“Oh…yeah…I dunno. I mean, my son and daughter…they have Line and all that. They…I dunno…maybe.”
Who’s that?
“Oh, I don’t know her. We’re just sharing a table.”
That’s mighty social of you. What’s your name, miss?
“…”
The plot of Emoticon is being held under wraps but speculation is that fan favorite Smiley, will be the central character.
“I really think it’s going to surprise some people,” speculated Tana Hoff, 36, a marketing analyst for Baffe, Wig and Boots. “From what I’ve been seeing online and what I’ve seen in my dreams, it’s a) a silent movie, which is ballsy in 2014, and b), it pretty much sticks to the story of the original Yahoo emoticons.”
Which is?
“That there is no story. Or that…they’re our story. We get to use them how we like.”
Holy shit. This just may attract some young people after all. Does it have any meaning?
“I think…from what I’ve heard, you just stare into Smiley’s face and think whatever you wanna think.”
So…
“So it’s more like say, a screen saver than an actual movie.”
But on the big screen.
“Um-hm.”
But that’s not all. Movies have come a long way since Yahoo first introduced its popular emoticons back in 1998 and since Cameron changed the face of film forever with Avatar ten years later. Now we’ve got the Internet.
“Of course, we had the Internet back then, but it took a lot of time to get everyone on it and linked in and connected and all that,” piped Billy, 16, a tween. “But now, what Cameron’s probably gonna be doing is making the first Internet movie, not like a thing that is posted on YouTube, although I’m sure he’s gonna have someone take care of that, but that we can all watch in the theater at the same time.”
At the same time?
“Yeah, and that gets rid of piracy, too. So if you’re in the Cineplex and I’m at home or in my car, we can still, through the Internet, watch it together…at exactly the same time.”
OK. And it…it looks like a giant screen saver.
“I’ve heard that, yeah.”
And we’re…excited about that.
“Yes. Yes we are.”
Understand?

About Yves Dropper

Do you have an interesting story to tell all locked up inside of you? I'll bet you do! And just in case you get liquored up enough to tell it in public, you can count on veteran BT sideshow and critic of garage erotica Yves Dropper to tell it for you! Not happy with what Yves is doing by his lonesome? Set on embarrassing yourself, your friends, family and coworkers as Yours Truly? Drop Yves a line at thebrutaltimes.com and if they live up to the toweringly high standard known as conversational gold, he promises to use all your stories just like they were all his own.
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3 Responses to Can James Cameron’s Emoticon Save the Silver Screen?

  1. apostropho says:

    oh balls.

  2. 640nambalot says:

    If it’s half as good as avatar I guess I’ll sit through the first half before walking out and sitting in my car.

  3. big jim says:

    yeah, thatnks for ruining the movie!

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