Warm Topic Archives: the beatles

Ratko Mladic Changing His Name to Rick?

Martin Meissner, Pool)

By Styles Cradgerock, THE HAGUE – The Hague’s newest catch, accused war criminal and Serbian general Ratko Mladic shocked followers on Twitter when he tweeted today:

“I’m thinking of changing my name…to Rick or…maybe Slobodan.”

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Nothing Sounds Better than a Great MP3

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By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – Nothing sounds better than a great mp3. Am I right? The Japanese discovered this back in the ’80′s, when they discovered America, but now even the biggest losers are dumping their sad sack vinyl collections in the river and wearing their CDs instead of playing them.

Good for them!

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Paul: “Beatles Were an Hoax”

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By D.J. Salinger, BALTIMORE – Wiping his hands on the brim of his skintight jeans, Beatles’s front man Paul McCartney shocked a bunch of loitering black bloc anarchists patiently waiting for a bus, when he whispered at them, “I’ve got something that’ll really flip your lids, lads – The Beatles were an hoax.”

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Noel Gallagher Quits Oasis, China Says

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By DJ Salinger, SHANGHAI – China’s official news service (China’s Official News Service) is reporting this morning that British pop singing sensation Noel Gallagher may have quit Oasis, the world’s most popular shock-rock combo since The Beatles.

“Mr Noel doesn’t like his brother, and wants to experience a middling solo career apart from him (the brother),” said Dan Hartwig, spokesperson for CONS. “It’s just like when Paul quit The Beatles,” he speculated wildly.

Angry fans turned over cars and houses

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Less is More in Beatles Box

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By DJ Salinger, LAS VEGAS – Finally, after sweating through the long wait of three months since the last Beatles album was released we can get our rocks off with the just-released 150 album box set which contains all of the lads’ 18,0981 songs (minus the baggage of all those John Lennon and George Harrison tracks which dogged down much of the earlier compilation best boxes).

“Yeah, we finally figured out what was missing with the earlier 569808 best of Beatles releases,” said long-time Beatles producer and confidante George Martin, from his villa in sunny Las Vegas, Sunday, “those fucking Harrison and Lennon songs,”

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Tomb of the Unknown Session Musician Found Under Phil Spector’s House

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By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Despite the general lack of interest, spell-binding stories keep surfacing regarding sensational superstar pop music producer Phil Spector, now imprisoned for murder inside the seaside Sing Sing prison.

Tuesday, a local L.A. lad appeared to have discovered a bottomless tomb under Spector’s mammoth residence/studio.

“I crawled under there looking for my baseball and I think I found a tomb full of unknown session musicians,” the boy, Darryl RJ Dennison, 37, said.

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Neil Young Nude Challenges, Disappoints

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By DJ Salinger, VERMONT – 517,9876 fans gathered here on the eroding muddy banks of what was once merely a disenchanted unmarried farmer’s spinach farm to hear acts as diverse as Mozart Jr., to Venom and Neil Young (from Canada).

The 167th annual KISSS-FM New Horizons Festa, sponsored by homegrown ristorante Ssh…Kebab, featured special additions to this year’s programme that shocked some.

Neil Young performed nude.

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Guns N’ Roses Change Name to N’

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By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – This city of Angels, made popular by the once popular Red Hot Chili Peppers, was shock-rocked late this afternoon when Horace the town crier, who has replaced the LA Times as the most-often consulted news source, cried “GN’R change name to N’, GN’R change name to N’”.

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McCartney’s Suicide Wings Stun Fans

By DJ Salinger, LONDON- Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney’s new musical project was unveiled to stunned shoppers strolling the streets of London’s trendy Piccadilly Circus Thursday as the bearded bassist growled and glared his way through a seventeen minute set […]

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Ringo Wrote John’s Songs

Description=Beatles drummer Ringo Starr eats fish and chips, 1967.

Starr, 78, was in snow-covered Toronto to promote his new film “Caveman 2″, a just-completed sequel to his 1986 smash “Caveman” – a film made entirely in Aramaic, a full twenty years before Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of the Christ”.

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