Warm Topic Archives: ipod touch

Libraries are Killing the Internet

August 3, 2009
books

By Daemon Mailer, SAN FRANCISCO – San Francisco, home of the Whopper, pizza, the iPod Touch and the Internet. Its citizens are full of themselves.

Ask them for directions and receive the snub of a lifetime.

“We’re the greatest,” says Pauline Faine, 10, a barista in the trendy Haight-Ashbury stoner district.

But now something else San Francisco invented is killing the Internet: Libraries.

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I Love Slurping Fondue from my Crock Pot

April 20, 2009
crockpot

Special to The Brutal Times, By Bradley Meyer – I was hating every single moment of my life until I found my fondue crock pot on the street in front of my neighbor’s house.

That crock pot, once cleaned off and packed with thick translucent fondue goo has knocked me on my keister and wrapped its dripping hot salty tentacles around my mind.

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Animals to Get Own Internet by 2010

April 2, 2009
uk-london-zoo

By Smia Oots, LONDON – As members from the G-20 gathered up their satchels and moved their drinks carefully away from table edges and other popular spill zones British Prime Minister Gordon Brown shock-rocked fans with new that animals will get their own Internet by 2010.

“Animals will get their own Internet by 2010,” he said.

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What’s Joaquin Phoenix Eating?

March 20, 2009
phoenix

By Connie Roe, Special to the Brutal Times, BUFFALO – Hey Brutal Times, I was wondering. You got that Chef Otto, right? Could you ask him what Joaquin Phoenix is eating these days?

Boy, I think that guy has problems! He’s gotta be eating something downright strange. That would account for his wacky behavior on all those shows.

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Cock Blocker Leaves Canada Open for Anarchy

January 22, 2009
harper

By Marshall Stack, TORONTO – As winter whips its icy way through this Eastern Canadian business capital the only thing that can match the plummeting market descent are the near -100 degree C plummeting temps. And the only place to warm your balls may be the nearest local pub.

But wait. Someone is knocking at the door. Could it be – anarchy?

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Man Pays Twice For Same Meal

January 15, 2009

By Smia Oots (with InfoSandwich News Services) SAN FRANCISCO – Reports are everywhere on the Web this morning speculating that a Bay area man has paid twice for the same meal.

The man who is as yet unidentified bears little or some resemblance to reclusive hip hop singing sensation Eminem.

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