Warm Topic Archives: the Internet

Madonna is Old

By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – A growing body of experts and everyday people – a hodgepodge of scientists, spoilt academics and eveyday stereomoms, whathaveyou, say Madonna “is old”.

“It’s irrefutable,” ejaculated Kenny Habh, 9, who has studied Madonna since he was 5. “Her face looks like takoyaki.” (‘Takoyaki’ is Japanese for ‘octopus pancake’.)

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Libraries are Killing the Internet

By Daemon Mailer, SAN FRANCISCO – San Francisco, home of the Whopper, pizza, the iPod Touch and the Internet. Its citizens are full of themselves.

Ask them for directions and receive the snub of a lifetime.

“We’re the greatest,” says Pauline Faine, 10, a barista in the trendy Haight-Ashbury stoner district.

But now something else San Francisco invented is killing the Internet: Libraries.

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Animals to Get Own Internet by 2010

By Smia Oots, LONDON – As members from the G-20 gathered up their satchels and moved their drinks carefully away from table edges and other popular spill zones British Prime Minister Gordon Brown shock-rocked fans with new that animals will get their own Internet by 2010.

“Animals will get their own Internet by 2010,” he said.

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