Madonna is Old

By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – A growing body of experts and everyday people – a hodgepodge of scientists, spoilt academics and stereomoms, whathaveyou, say Madonna “is old”.

“It’s irrefutable,” ejaculated Kenny Habh, 9, who has studied Madonna since he was 5. “Her face looks like takoyaki.” (‘Takoyaki’ is Japanese for ‘octopus pancake’.)

Before, Madonna was young and she dated Sean Penn.

Also, she made hit record albums. Sorta like Lady GaGa, Britney Spears, and so on.

That was then, or before. These days, Madonna (old) persists in bugging us with her CDs and so on. When’s it gonna stop?

“Not soon,” says Gladys Bage, 20, a stay-at-home stereomom. “I joined an online discussion group right in my own kitchen, and according to whut cutting edge bloggers on CNN and so on are texting, Madonna could be like preserved and continiue endlessly.”


“No, really, if you ever get the chance to step out of your lowly social class you’ll see there’s this whole other  rung, or world or whuthaveyou, where head honchoes (such as Madonna) get to do anything,” she went on.

But, do I have to be a prick to join?

“That’s a raging debate about that online right now.”

Man, I’m still tryin’ to get over my boob tube addiction. Is the whole Internet thingy even worth the bother?

“Wait- my friend Tracie’s texting me right now.”

Scientists say oldness can’t be stopped. Whut kinda developments gonna develop?

“Well, her face is gonna, well, is melting, if you will,” whispered Gabe Nighyt, 18, who got good jobby at MIT (Meteorite Internet Time). “But, that does hold the interest of the scientific community, in and of itself,” he went on.

Is she gonna start playing like jazz, or world music?

“It’s hard to tell, but there are warning signs; has she been on any recent trips to Africa?”

I’m not sure. Let’s check the Internet.

About DJ Salinger

Better than nothing, DJ Salinger shakes it where the sun don't shine. BT' s resident recluse on the loose, Salinger is the trouble with this generation, begging the question, What is the sound of one fist bumping?
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2 Responses to Madonna is Old

  1. shle896 says:

    How ridiculous. Since when is 51 old and since when do you refer to Madonna as someone who doesn’t release hit records anymore? As big as she is in the U.S., she’s twice as big worldwide and every one of her albums have sold in the millions. Lady Gaga and the like would be VERY lucky to stay have even 1/4 of the hits Madonna has made over the years.

    I think Madonna looks awesome for 51. Lady Gaga looks ridiculous and Britney is cheesy and chubby.

  2. cynthia furtriene says:

    i’m gonna have to agree with BT on this one. as much as i want to agree with girls, i think madonna is old and 51? are you kidding? no one lives to be 51 anymore, unless you’re like, Madonna, or something.