By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Pittsburgh, the corner of the globe. A place where everyone knows your name. A small town. A place where nine out of ten scientists are saying what we’ve all known all along.
By Grande Chef Otto, TRIPOLI – Because there was nothing else on we were stuck watching that revolution thingy in Libya? The one which should have been exciting since their dictator dresses like Michael Jackson and has more attitude than Snoop Doggie, but is actually a snore fest since now all the other channels got wars on `em too?
By Grande Chef Otto, TORONTO – Employees don’t have to wash their hands anymore, thanks to a tiny blast of laissez-faire attitude stemming from last weeks’ Canadian federal election debate in a garage at CBC.
By Grande Chef Otto, PITTSBURGH – Among the many exciting predictions for 2013, younger sister of famed predictor Nostradamus, Coco Nostradamus, says more people across the globe will eat peanut butter and jam sandwiches this year than maybe at any other year in the history of the worlds’ diverse peoples.
By Grande Chef Otto, CHICAGO – The great thing about chicken is it’s so versatile. It’s legal, in my mind, to do just about anything to a chicken, and if you’re not particularly religious or a clean freak of some sort, I’d reccommend slipping out while the Google Street View’s not looking and picking up some poulet for some backyard or rooftop cooking.
By Grande Chef Otto, NEW YORK CITY – Fans of Hogwarts are squirming more than they care to admit as town criers at Denny’s say J.R.R. Tolkien wrote a book about onion rings.
“First of all, it’s not ‘Hogwarts – it’s Middle Earth,” whined Hogwarts fan Heather Bille, 50. “What’s more is the genious who created Middle Earth, J.R.R Tolkien, was also secretly a lover of fast food,” she went on, not blinking.
By Grande Chef Otto, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Bob Lomax lifts weights four times a day. He wakes at 4:31 am, rinses his balls in an imported basin from Bahrain, and meditates in Japanese for nine minutes while his second “wife” Vickers prepares a delicate vitamin powerhouse pureed and mulched (basically the same thing I know) in an eleven hundred dollar pureeing mulching machine from Sicily.
Bob has had seventy four heart attacks.
By Grande Chef Otto, Tokyo, SHIMOKITAZAWA – I know I know, you’re all shaking your collective headbanging heads wondering why I’d go and do such a crazy thing.
Eat out in Shimokitazawa.
Well I was hungry.