Author Archives: admin

About admin

A bit of a toff, really, Admin inhaled the classics early. His ears are ringing and he plans...to answer them.

Pence to choose self as 2024 running mate

March 13, 2023

By Styles Cradgerock, SOUTH OF FRANCE — Former U.S. Vice President Mike Pence surprised an onlooker at Denny’s in Toledo, Ohio when he abruptly tore the napkin from his neck provided to offset damage to his suit from pancakes failing […]

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief

Waiter gave me a wobbly table

November 2, 2022

By Blair G. Moluba, Special to The Brutal Times, CHICAGO — It’s not easy to find a quiet cafe where you can unwind and catch up on work on your laptop while checking your texts on your phone. So I […]

Posted in Latest Brutality, Ordinary People

Study: People look better with their masks on

October 19, 2022

By Ray Goolens, Special to The Brutal Times,  New York — A landmark study has confirmed what we’ve known all along: People look better in face masks than without them. Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies found that most people were […]

Posted in Latest Brutality

Brahms shot dead in Paris

September 5, 2022

By DJ Salinger, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Brahms was shot dead in front of this city’s first Taco Bell  on Friday by a fan who said he was upset at the pianist’s new musical direction and clothes. Police declined to […]

Posted in Exclusive!, Latest Brutality

Man irons new wrinkles into shirt

August 22, 2022

By J. Andrew Hollingsworth, Special to The Brutal Times, RIYADH – I was ironing my shirt for work, the white long-sleeved one, and I was almost finished when I noticed that I had ironed more wrinkles into it. I’d say […]

Posted in Ordinary People

I like pushing buttons on my computer

January 22, 2020

By Michael Dean, Special to The Brutal Times, BOISE- I like pushing buttons on my computer. I’m not a fan of touchscreens because stabbing the glass like I’m doing now on my iPhone hurts my fingers. Let me explain. I’m […]

Posted in Ordinary People

Man replies to email without reading it

October 9, 2019
Posted in Schadenfreude

People who look nice are nice

June 6, 2019

By The Serge, PITTSBURGH – People who look nice are nice, a landmark study by Billy, a tween, has found. ”See that guy over there? That guy with the mustache and the curly hair, with his wife?” The one in […]

Posted in Go Deeper, Latest Brutality

Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?

April 20, 2018
Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?

By Billy, Belmopan, BELIZE – Hey, is it just me or is Mike Pompeo starting to look a lot like Kim Jong Un? “Who?” Mike Pompeo. “Mike who?” The CIA director-soon-to-be-U.S. secretary of state guy. “Huh.” So, does he look […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief

In Spacewalk Astronauts Repair Finnish Space Station

December 25, 2013

By Helder Goff, Special to the Brutal Times, SPACE – Space, the final frontier. No one was supposed to go there, but they did. Probably that’s why, increasingly, God has been busting up their space ships.
“Actually, we don’t know if it’s God that’s been doing it, or some other kids or something,” claimed Gus VanderBilt, 11, designer of Finland’s famed Zolftschatz, which is Ikean for “Zolftschatz.”

Posted in Exclusive!