Conversational Gold - The Brutal Times
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Thinking Man’s Rock

Do you have to be taught…how to rock? I dunno, but the thing is DJ Salinger, the recluse on the loose at The Brutal Times is thinking deeper than any man woman or manwomanandchild combo aboot le rock, le roll, le blues, le clasic, le hip du hop etc. Why listen to him? Don’t. Listen to his hands. Bumping.

Guns N’ Roses Change Name to N’

By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – This city of Angels, made popular by the once popular Red Hot Chili Peppers, was shock-rocked late this afternoon when Horace the town crier, who has replaced the LA Times as the most-often consulted news source, cried “GN’R change name to N’, GN’R change name to N'”.

James Brown is Still Dead

By DJ Salinger, DETROIT – Legendary ‘Godfather of Soul’ superstar singing sensation James Brown is still dead, reports out of America’s motor city, Detroit, are confirming this morning.

U2 = SoftBank: New CD Promotes Japanese Cell Phones, By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – The new U2 album has debuted in Japan with some copies featuring a sticker on the front jacket of a grey equal sign logo (=) dead center.


Ubiquitous Japanese cell phone giant SoftBank uses the exact same logo as their logo.

1979 Commission Rules ‘Punk’s not Dead’

By DJ Salinger, WASHINGTON – Music fans around the globe are rejoicing in news that one of rock’s most treasured genres – that of “punk rock” has been officially declared “very much alive” by a bi-partisan Congressional Commission which had been studying the issue on weekends since 1983.

Gore Warns Celebrities Over Lack of Headroom

By Barry Hussein, HOUSTON – Nobel prize-winning man Al Gore met with concerned celebrities this morning at Denny’s to discuss the nation’s largest decline of headroom since the 1930’s.

Celebrities, Gore says need headroom more than most because their heads are proven to be more inflated than nobodies, or typical consumers.

“We have to act now,” Gore said.

Terrorists Retract Threat: Madonna is Cool

By Reiner Jones, HOLLYWOOD – Terrorists issued a formal apology to Madonna earlier today, citing the incident as a misunderstanding. “These things sometimes get taken out of context,” reported an extremist fringe militia member who prefers not to be named. “It was very busy in the Madonna chat room that day, and an overzealous fan, not fanatic, made some comments which were somehow misconstrued.”

U2 Popular in Irish Pub

By DJ Salinger, BROOKLYN – It’s a Tuesday night and as usual the dance floor is cluttered with couples each engaged in various stages of groping as prescribed in that ancient mystical text, the Kama Sutra.

Chinese Democracy Bail-out to Cost $986 Billion

As details of the Democrats’ 1 trillion dollar budget request continue to leak out the president-elect has been mulling the final touches of what amounts to the priciest financial bail-out plan made in US political history.

George Lucas to Shoot Chinese Democracy Videos

George Lucas is ready to rumble. Locked and loaded with energy after the stunning success of his latest act of self-sabotage Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, the gruff-as-ever Lucas confirmed Monday that he is slated to direct the first of seven videos from Guns N’ Roses fresh out the oven Chinese Democracy album.

McCartney’s Suicide Wings Stun Fans

By DJ Salinger, LONDON- Former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney’s new musical project was unveiled to stunned shoppers strolling the streets of London’s trendy Piccadilly Circus Thursday as the bearded bassist growled and glared his way through a seventeen minute set […]