By DJ Salinger, TORONTO – Coveted Rush 2112 Estates mostly lie empty as people in this super funky fried chicken hipster town are rushing headlong instead towards more affordable housing.
“I really wanted a Rush condo,” said Basil Head, 43, “but I’m rushing headlong instead towards more affordable housing.”
But where, dude?
“In my mother’s basement – it’s got laundry.”
Toronto, Canada’s New York (just kidding), boasts lush greenery and a growing population of single male record store clerks.
“Harsh, dude – but fair,” agreed Weathers Ross, 34, a record store clerk (who is currently single, girls) on College Street.
And the thing of it is is that so many of these dudes and the occasional dudette enjoys recreational hipsterish use of Canadian prog rock gods Rush’s 2112 album.
“I listen to it over and over again,” admitted Mr Ross. “Mockingly, of course,” he went on.
Ironic usage of Rush and other Canadian shock rock musicians has been on the rise lately according to an April 1991 MyGoodies/InfoSandwich poll.
“It’s been, ah, on the rise,” said MyGoodies pollster Desmond Baird. “And lots of these same folks thought they’d add to their hipness by buying a suite in Markham’s Rush 2112 Estate Condos,” he went on.
“Well, I guess so,” he added, looking down at something.
But since the towering 2112 address was completed last month only 2 of the 2112 units have sold. Susanne LaBeoffe, a Markham stereomom said she was unsure if she would even move in to her suite on the first floor behind a massive Shopper’s Drug Mart and McDonald’s hamburger restaurant.
“I’m unsure now if I’ll even move in now” she said.
But what’ll you do, Sue?
“Maybe I’ll just abandon it and let druggies live there,” she said.
Stanislav Koontz, 29 is the other lucky owner (of suite 666) at 2112 Estates.
So what’s your plan, Stan?
“I’m gonna paint it all black,” he said.
Or did he?!?