Warm Topic Archives: professor rant foaming

Exclusive: Top Models Stay Thin by Snorting Cocaine

By Smia Oots, Tokyo, GASPANIC SHIBUYA – Tokyo town criers sent tremors through this already much shock-rocked city early this morning when they confirmed what everybody already knew all along.

Top models in Tokyo, Bahrain, and Moscow are staying thin by snorting cocaine.

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500-year-old Book is Really Boring

By El Toro, PITTSBURGH – A 500-year-old book somebody found here the other day is really boring sources are telling the Brutal Times this morning.

“I didn’t even open the book – just looking at it made me drool all over myself,”

Posted in Highlighted Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Shocker: Most U.S. Kids Don’t Know What ‘Don’t Taze me, Bro’ is

By Daemon Mailer, NEBRASKA – While most news organizations topple over themselves trying to report the same nonnews about North Korea attacking the South this evening, a far more exciting and razzle-dazzle thing has done happened, right underneath their noses, The Brutal Times has learned.

According to a landmark overnite study conducted by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies, most U.S. kids don’t know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is.

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