Warm Topic Archives: don’t taze me bro

Shocker: Most U.S. Kids Don’t Know What ‘Don’t Taze me, Bro’ is

By Daemon Mailer, NEBRASKA – While most news organizations topple over themselves trying to report the same nonnews about North Korea attacking the South this evening, a far more exciting and razzle-dazzle thing has done happened, right underneath their noses, The Brutal Times has learned.

According to a landmark overnite study conducted by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies, most U.S. kids don’t know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is.

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Embassy Staff Disappointed Mysterious White Powder Not Cocaine

By Barry Hussein, TEL AVIV – Canadian Embassy staff here are reeling from the discovery that a mysterious white powder found in an envelope sent to the embasssy is not cocaine.

“We wanted to snort it so bad,” ejaculated Bismark Suffolk, 20, an immune diplomat who heard about the powder. “But they said they weren’t sure it was cocaine, so we’d better not,” he went on.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment