Shocker: Most U.S. Kids Don’t Know What ‘Don’t Taze me, Bro’ is

dont_tase_me_bro2

By Daemon Mailer, NEBRASKA – While most news organizations topple over themselves trying to report the same nonnews about North Korea attacking the South this evening, a far more exciting and razzle-dazzle thing has done happened, right underneath their noses, The Brutal Times has learned.

According to a landmark overnite study conducted by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies, most U.S. kids don’t know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is.

“Most U.S. kids don’t know what ‘Don’t taze me, bro’ is,” ejaculated Rant Foaming, 50, a professor of media studies at…at…I think it was Concordia University, in Montreal, Canaduh, but it coulda been pretty much anywhere, really.

So, what is “Don’t taze me, bro”, bro?

“Well, first, lemme give you a little background about the University of California, and why you should study here.”

Oh, Jesus.

“We’ve got killer research facilities, ubiquitous free Wi-Fi, and you would not believe the quality of girls that go here.”

Yes, but why don’t the kids know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is? And who are “the kids”, anyway? I mean, can you expand a little here on your great topic sentence, professor?

“Doctor.”

Yes, but why don’t the kids know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is? And who are “the kids”, anyway? I mean, can you expand a little here on your great topic sentence, doctor?

“Doctor professor.”

Can I see some ID, please?

“I’ll just show myself out. Do you know where the exit is?”

Luckily, I don’t have to do any more research, ’cause I remember what “Don’t taze me, bro” is and I look around and see people every place just…just tuning it out and forgetting.

My feeling, which is as good as news, is that it’s because of the past and the future that people are forgetting and so don’t know about “Don’t taze me, bro.”

Wanna explanation?

The past pulls away at the present, shredding it like your favorite jeans. The future gropes the present, too, just like you know who in the news – don’t make me say it!?! And last, the present is so confused it just… oh, I’m tired and I feel like a nice but simple snack;  perhaps a PBJ sandwich or… a miso soup…

But it’s a shame people forget.

Understand?

About Daemon Mailer

Sweet little Daemon Mailer invented the Internet in his garage while he was trying unsuccessfully to invent the first rental video store. Like the rest, Daeme is also making moves to cash in on BT's success and avoid eating peanut butter out of a jar livin' in his car the rest of his life. All during the night as he wiggles to an 'fro, some kinda machine records his thoughts, churning out a pile o crud to be compiled in the forthcoming tome, I am Spam.
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One Response to Shocker: Most U.S. Kids Don’t Know What ‘Don’t Taze me, Bro’ is

  1. otter says:

    mm, yeah – and it’d be great if you’d actually say what “don’t taze me bro” is. come on.

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