By Daemon Mailer, NEBRASKA – While most news organizations topple over themselves trying to report the same nonnews about North Korea attacking the South this evening, a far more exciting and razzle-dazzle thing has done happened, right underneath their noses, The Brutal Times has learned.
According to a landmark overnite study conducted by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies, most U.S. kids don’t know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is.
“Most U.S. kids don’t know what ‘Don’t taze me, bro’ is,” ejaculated Rant Foaming, 50, a professor of media studies at…at…I think it was Concordia University, in Montreal, Canaduh, but it coulda been pretty much anywhere, really.
So, what is “Don’t taze me, bro”, bro?
“Well, first, lemme give you a little background about the University of California, and why you should study here.”
“We’ve got killer research facilities, ubiquitous free Wi-Fi, and you would not believe the quality of girls that go here.”
Yes, but why don’t the kids know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is? And who are “the kids”, anyway? I mean, can you expand a little here on your great topic sentence, professor?
Yes, but why don’t the kids know what “Don’t taze me, bro” is? And who are “the kids”, anyway? I mean, can you expand a little here on your great topic sentence, doctor?
Can I see some ID, please?
“I’ll just show myself out. Do you know where the exit is?”
Luckily, I don’t have to do any more research, ’cause I remember what “Don’t taze me, bro” is and I look around and see people every place just…just tuning it out and forgetting.
My feeling, which is as good as news, is that it’s because of the past and the future that people are forgetting and so don’t know about “Don’t taze me, bro.”
The past pulls away at the present, shredding it like your favorite jeans. The future gropes the present, too, just like you know who in the news – don’t make me say it!?! And last, the present is so confused it just… oh, I’m tired and I feel like a nice but simple snack; perhaps a PBJ sandwich or… a miso soup…
But it’s a shame people forget.