Warm Topic Archives: styles cradgerock

Few Want to Touch Obama’s Bulging Stimulus Package

January 8, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barack obama, beer, few want to touch obama's bulging stimulus package, global economic crisis, halo, japanese mosaic, john mccain, Presidential Daily Brief, ray goolens, springsteen, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, U.S.financial crisis, USA, yes we can | 5 Comments

GM Unveils New Sex Drive Car

December 23, 2008

By Styles Cradgerock, DETROIT – Just in time for Christmas, GM has unveiled its most fabulous machine yet – the sex-drive car! The sleek family auto known as the GM Phero, is 100% powered on the pheronome, which in case […]

Posted in Featured Brutality | Tagged car trouble, christmas, General Motors, global economic crisis, GM, new cars, renewable energy, sex, sex drive car, sex-drive, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, US auto bail-out, US economy | 2 Comments

Germany Arms for WWW III as World Markets Melt

October 6, 2008

By Styles Cradgerock, BERLIN – Perky German president Angela Merkel met today with concerned citizens groups in response to the recent shockwaves sent through Berlin’s markets stemming from the US financial meltdown. Merkel was firm in her resolve to “stay […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged adventure, berlin, deprssion, germany, germany arms for WWWIII as markets melt, military, poverty, Presidential Daily Brief, recession, styles cradgerock, the allies, the brutal times, toys, US market woes, world financial crisis, www 2, www 3 | 3 Comments

Obama Announces Running Mate: It’s Michelle!!

August 23, 2008

WASHINGTON – We’ve just received word, ahead of the Twitter update the world is waiting for, from a source close to the presidential hopeful that Obama has decided to break with tradition and choose his wife, Michelle Obama, as his official running mate.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged democratic convention, michelle obama, obama, obama chooses running mate: it's michelle!, Presidential Daily Brief, rabeezio rabeezio, styles cradgerock, thebrutaltimes, US 2008 election, vice president | 2 Comments

Hillary Woos Goth Vote

April 7, 2008

By Styles Cradgerock PENNSYLVANIA – Second place finish candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination Hillary “Hot” Rodham Clinton is far from “rolling over and playing dead,” her campaign spokesperson Haylie Grahame declared in confidence late yesterday evening. Ms Clinton has […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barack obama, goth music, hillary clinton, hillary woos goth vote, Presidential Daily Brief, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, us election | 4 Comments

DIY Organ Transplants – Easier Than You Thought

March 1, 2008

By Brutal Times Health Watch Doctor Wayne McGillicutty, SMILES – You may have foolishly thought that major operations like transplants were best left to surgeons in hospitals, but one Toronto area man is seeking to change all that. “The myth […]

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Sick Bay | Tagged canada, cockblocker, DIY organ transplants - easier than you thought, dr wayne mcgillicutty, health, health care, Sick Bay, stomach, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, wayne gretzky | 3 Comments

State Of The Union Spoiler: Iraq War ‘Ironic’ Bush Says

January 28, 2008

By the serge, WASHINGTON (The Brutal Times) – In advance copies of tonight’s State of the Union address obtained by The Brutal Times, President George W Bush reveals his 2003 plan to invade Iraq was “ironic,” and insists that he […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged daemon mailer, george bush, iraq war, irony, state of the union adress 2008, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, the serge | 6 Comments

Prince Harry Confesses To Ripper Killings

January 21, 2008

(By Styles Cradgerock) LONDON, England- The twisted tangled trail leading to the unmasking of the true identity of one of England`s most notorious murderers has taken yet another twisted tangled turn . In what has been the first concrete step […]

Posted in Exclusive!, Hollywood Pap | Tagged hollywood pap, j.k. rowling, j.r.r. tolkien, jack the ripper, prince harry, prince harry confesses to ripper killings, scotland yard, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, the lord of the rings, unsolved mysteries | 11 Comments

Daemon Mailer Tazed At Canadian Airport

January 5, 2008

By El Toro, TORONTO – Flamboyant Internet pioneer Daemon Mailer was rushed to Toronto’s Grace Hospital early this morning after being repeatedly tazed in front of shocked onlookers at Pearson International Airport. Mailer, who witnesses said appeared “between 30 and […]

Posted in Canaduh, Latest Brutality | Tagged bbfuncorp, canadian airport, cockblocker, daemon mailer, el toro, styles cradgerock, tazer, the bridle path, the brutal times | 11 Comments

Iraqis Strive To Top 2006 Death Toll

December 10, 2007

By Styles Cradgerock, Iraq, BAGHDAD – With time running out as December nears to a close Baghdadis of all sizes, sects and credit histories rushed to kill one another and top 2006’s death toll. Brushing aside US and Blackwater Construction […]

Posted in Iraq | Tagged blackwater, iraq war, Japan, stink bombs, styles cradgerock, the brutal times | 1 Comment