DIY Organ Transplants – Easier Than You Thought

By Brutal Times Health Watch Doctor Wayne McGillicutty, SMILES – You may have foolishly thought that major operations like transplants were best left to surgeons in hospitals, but one Toronto area man is seeking to change all that.

“The myth that organ transplant is a procedure best left to “professionals” is one I’ve made it my mission to eradicate. I’ve performed roughly 3 organ transplants on myself and I’ve never been better!” exclaims Belville, Ontario native Donald Belatroix (46) from his bed in the intensive care unit of a Toronto Area Hospital.

Donald’s doctor, Sylas Cradgerock (no relation to Brutal Times war correspondent , Styles Cradgerock) had this to say about the matter, “We’ve told him repeatedly that it’s very dangerous to attempt these kind of procedures without proper training but he always replies with, ‘I know what I’m doing, I’ll show you fancy pants doctors!’ so we just try to patch him up as best we can. ”

Is DIY organ transplanting a trend that is likely to catch on? We took the question to the people and asked a random sampling of citizens as they exited one of Toronto’s famous and plentiful ‘Adult’ entertainment establishments.

Simon Belfly, a first grade teacher at Bloor West Elementary, had this to say, “*Fu** that sh** man, I wouldn’t cut open my own guts man, what, are you fu**ing crazy?!”

Toronto Mayor, Wayne Gretzky, had this to say, “If it reduces health care costs for the city I’m all for it. You know how much that new helicopter pad in my back yard cost! It was a whole lot, eh.”

The Prime Minister of Canada, Cock Blocker, responded to our query with this perplexing comment. “If you print this anywhere you and you’re whole fu**ing family are dead! Got it! Dead as mother fu**ing doornails, got it!”

Only time will tell if the world clues into Belatroix’s message, but he insists, “I’ll make the world see the truth, or die trying. ” This MD suspects it will be the latter.

About Doctor McGillicutty

Creepy and inappropriate is McGillicutty's middle name. There's a whiff of self-importance to his smile. Intellectually indebted to Popeye, he's in debt and loving it.
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3 Responses to DIY Organ Transplants – Easier Than You Thought

  1. sally says:

    you cant do that becase canadas lawyers would persecute you.

  2. bartlett van maulder III says:

    how exactly do you pronounce the Canadian prime ministers name?

  3. troy james macfarlaine says:

    you dont – its silent.