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Warm Topic Archives: Sick Bay
Old People Live Longer
By El Toro, WASHINGTON – As Barack Obama America’s first president gears up to give all Americans universal health care, folks are leaning back in their chairs and on the couch to consider the results of a prestigious 60 year study that proves what most of us already knew:
Old people live longer.
“Old people, live longer than young people, ” said Tim Barnes, an unpaid intern at MyGoodies, a multi-billi0n-gazillion dollar tentacles around the world.
Who Declares Flu a Pandemic
By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – Roger Waters and Pete Townshend of The Who declared swine flu “a pandemic” today at an historic concert/lecture given by the two towering talents at New York’s fantastic United Nations.
Posted in Sick Bay
Tagged dj salinger, doomsday, global recession, gloom, health advisories, Japan, ozzy, ozzy osbourne, pandemic, pete townshend, roger waters, Sick Bay, the brutal times, the who, trains
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Smiling Linked to Cancer
By Smia Oots, LONDON – Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies confirmed what most people knew already today when they declared a landmark study on all cancers has linked them to smiling.
“Ya, just don’t smile and you’ll be okay,” confirmed Rom Hatzug, 24, a barista turned molecular biologist due to a typo on his temp resume.
He wasn’t smiling when he said it.
Posted in Sick Bay
Tagged bad taste, cancer, cancer risks, fear-mongering, health, know-it-alls, Sick Bay, smia oots, smiles, smiling, the brutal times
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I Wanna Get Plastic Surgery – On my Mind!
By Dr Ray Goolens (Special to The Brutal Times), LOS ANGELES – Do people feel insecure about their looks? Yes they do. A typical remedy for this in the USA may be a short trip to the plastic surgeon. My [...]
Posted in Featured Brutality, Sick Bay
Tagged aroma therapy, decision tree, health issues, holiday cheer, inner beauty, los angeles, ray goolens, Sick Bay, the brutal times
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Do You Have a Headache in Your Stomach?
By Dr McGillicutty, MOUNT SUMERU – Each week I’m greeted by the mule pack mail mountain man who crosses many wonderful and terrible realms to bring me what I would classify as a f**king s**tload of letters from you, my [...]
Posted in Sick Bay
Tagged dr mcgillicutty, headache, Sick Bay, stomachache, sublte realm, the brutal times
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DIY Organ Transplants – Easier Than You Thought
By Brutal Times Health Watch Doctor Wayne McGillicutty, SMILES – You may have foolishly thought that major operations like transplants were best left to surgeons in hospitals, but one Toronto area man is seeking to change all that. “The myth [...]