Warm Topic Archives: Sick Bay

Old People Live Longer

By El Toro, WASHINGTON – As Barack Obama America’s first president gears up to give all Americans universal health care, folks are leaning back in their chairs and on the couch to consider the results of a prestigious 60 year study that proves what most of us already knew:

Old people live longer.

“Old people, live longer than young people, ” said Tim Barnes, an unpaid intern at MyGoodies, a multi-billi0n-gazillion dollar tentacles around the world.

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Who Declares Flu a Pandemic

By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – Roger Waters and Pete Townshend of The Who declared swine flu “a pandemic” today at an historic concert/lecture given by the two towering talents at New York’s fantastic United Nations.

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Smiling Linked to Cancer

By Smia Oots, LONDON – Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies confirmed what most people knew already today when they declared a landmark study on all cancers has linked them to smiling.

“Ya, just don’t smile and you’ll be okay,” confirmed Rom Hatzug, 24, a barista turned molecular biologist due to a typo on his temp resume.

He wasn’t smiling when he said it.

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I Wanna Get Plastic Surgery – On my Mind!

By Dr Ray Goolens (Special to The Brutal Times), LOS ANGELES – Do people feel insecure about their looks? Yes they do. A typical remedy for this in the USA may be a short trip to the plastic surgeon. My […]

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Do You Have a Headache in Your Stomach?

By Dr McGillicutty, MOUNT SUMERU – Each week I’m greeted by the mule pack mail mountain man who crosses many wonderful and terrible realms to bring me what I would classify as a f**king s**tload of letters from you, my […]

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DIY Organ Transplants – Easier Than You Thought

By Brutal Times Health Watch Doctor Wayne McGillicutty, SMILES – You may have foolishly thought that major operations like transplants were best left to surgeons in hospitals, but one Toronto area man is seeking to change all that. “The myth […]

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